Home of the Four Trans

Life in the Tran household has been quite hectic since the holiday season began back in November. Now, with the celebration of the Chinese New Year behind us (January 25, 2009), we can rest easy knowing that the holiday season is officially over…and finally, get back into some sort of routine…and, some blogging.

I know all that are still checking in are wondering how my boys are doing. The update of how they spent their holiday will come in the form of pictures.

I’ve also been postponing posting updates because I just wanted to enjoy what we had with the boys while we had it. This may be an irrational fear that has arisen from my undiagnosed post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD–after enduring and witnessing all that I have with Justin and his surgeries), but I am afraid to speak of any good in fear of something bad happening. So, I just let it be.

Justin had his neurology and orthopedic appointments since the last time I posted. There’s nothing new to report there: his right foot is still in pronation, and his right hand and arm still need much therapy to improve. He is continuing his occupational and physical therapy 3 times a week. Starting this week, he is also receiving infant stim from the Regional Center of Orange County to learn some cognitive and social skills. It’s been a year since he’s had the stroke, and at times, I do feel discouraged that he has not made as much improvement as we had hoped. But, although subtle, the progress is there.

Justin also celebrated several anniversaries in January: January 9 is the anniversary of the day his heart unexpectedly stopped in the hospital, one day post heart catheterization. January 16 is the anniversary of his second heart surgery, the bi-directional Glenn. On both of these days, we did mini parties for him, and he loved the attention.

Nathan continues to challenge me, Loi, and our patience to the max. Sometimes we’ll get to experience some of his cute little boy innocence when he asks us questions about the world around him. Most of the time, though, there’s a lot of resistance on his part in doing what is expected of him. I’m beginning to see how he is more like his father each and every day…resisting authority!! You know it’s true, Hon.

There have been days (like last week) where Nathan has driven me to the brink of insanity. I mean insanity. Wouldn’t go to school even if we dragged him, refused to get in and out of the car (made me sit in the parking lot for 45 minutes with Justin in my lap because he wanted to sit in Justin’s car seat), and refused to speak when asked to greet people.

On days like those, I wonder what the heck I’m doing wrong. I was even driven to start drinking…well, almost. It had been 5 years since I’ve actually drank alcohol. The days of downing tequila shots with licks of lime and salt off the back of my hand were over since I decided on a random day back in 2003 that I didn’t want to kill any of my brain cells that way.

Well, I really needed a quick relaxant on this particular day. Of course, being the responsible parent that I am, I told Loi my plans first, and waited for him to get home before opening a 2006 bottle of merlot (rich in flavonoids, good for the cardiovascular system. See? I’m responsible). I poured it into a tall water glass, swished it a few times, and took a pecker sip. Um, yuck. It was alcohol, and I do not like the taste of alcohol. I tried to convince that I needed this, but I couldn’t get past the taste. I really wished I could have. But, after the 5th sip, I gave up.

Loi laughed as I poured myself that glass of wine because it was so entirely not me to drown my sorrows in something like alcohol.

I still haven’t figured out how to find any “me” time, yet. There are things I would love to do like hit the gym and lift some weights (total endorphin inducer), write, go on a weekend getaway sans kids, read, dance…but, by the time the kids are in bed, I am exhausted. All I want to do is something mindless like watching a show on Hulu.

My energy level is not what is was 6 months ago…I’m losing my stamina…could it be because I have a little more than a year before turning 30?!?!?

Okay, enough about me. Truth is, I just need to find my center.

Moving on…

Loi is busy as usual working 6-7 days a week with his “day job,” and our little side business. But, he always tries his best to alleviate my stresses. He’ll cook dinner when I just want to throw myself under the covers like the day never happened, he’ll prepare the children’s lunches, he’ll help clean, and he approved of me going to New York on my own for my birthday. Yay!

Yes, I can be the most terrible mother and wife, and almost undeserving. But, I know how truly blessed I am to be surrounded by the most wonderful people.

Thanks for checking in. Happy New Year!

Justin had a jam packed schedule on Thursday. Here’s what happened:

8:30AM: He woke up for his feeding, played, took a bath, dressed, and was stuffed into the car seat.

9:30AM: We left the house for the Neurology clinic near CHOC.

10:00AM: We arrived at the clinic. Justin watched some older kids play on a table toy, ogled a smoothie and smacked his lips as he watched the 9 year old girl sipping it.  We engaged in some conversation with the little girl and her mother about Justin’s chubby cheeks and their medical conditions (she has Cerebral Palsy and had experienced 2 episodes of seizures in her lifetime. Scary!). Justin kept smiling and waving his little hand (he’s learned how to wave “hi” now).

10:20AM: We get a spot in the examining room. Justin was weighed (17lbs, 4 oz on a digital scale with clothes, splint, and diaper on) and measured (26.5″). I mentioned that that the measurements at the pediatrician’s was different, but that it’s different wherever he goes. So, close enough, I guess. Either way, he hasn’t grown much.

10:30AM: Neurologist walked in. She asked if anyone was concerned with how small he is for a 12 month old. Well, I’m concerned, but his pediatrician doesn’t seem to be, and he doesn’t see cardiology until September. She said I should maybe talk to GI and a dietician to get him fatter. I told her that I expected him to be small, but I am more concerned that he’s not growing much. Will call GI. She assessed him, and these are the results:

• He seems to be cognitively on par for his age
• His hand seems better improved, but he still needs to continue with therapy
• He needs to see an orthopedic surgeon for his right foot that seems to bend to too far to the right. The surgeon can decide whether to fit him for a brace now or later to keep that ankle in the right position. This will be used only when he’s in therapy learning to walk, or when he starts walking. I’ve discussed this with the therapists before and they thought he was too young. Having a brace on this early may hinder other muscle developments. Neurologist felt it would be more beneficial than not.
• He may or may not regain full function of his right side. She cannot predict this. But, he will definitely be left hand dominant, and his right hand will just be a helper hand.
• She would like for him to get an MRI to confirm the reason for stroke, but because he has a pacemaker in, this is not possible unless the pacemaker technology improves to where it will be able to tolerate the magnetic field.

11:45AM: We left the Neurology clinic to feed Justin in the car. He fell asleep while drinking because he was so tired.

12:00PM: We headed to a nearby Barnes and Noble to kill some time before having to head back to CHOC for physical and occupational therapy. I picked up some books, passion fruit lemonade tea, and a 2 square inch block of rice krispies marshmallow treat. Read a little and had a few moments of me time before heading to the line to pay for our things. While in line, I also impulsively grabbed 3 boxes of assorted Godiva for his therapists because we’ll be leaving them soon (boo!) for another program funded by the California Children’s Services (CCS), which is free. Justin continued to sleep in his stroller.

12:30PM: We left to head back to CHOC for his 2 hour therapy session. Little Boo didn’t even cry once.

3:00PM: I fed him in the car in the parking structure. He tapped the bottle with the plastic bottle cap, amusing himself while he gulped down the bottle…a whole 3 ounces.

3:15PM: While Big Brother Nathan was in the care of “Lifetime” (he was taken to “work”), this allowed us some time to visit Great Grandma (G-Ma) before having to pick him up.

3:30PM: Cried upon seeing G-Ma because he probably thought I was going to pass him over to another person, again. He just wanted some Mommy time. Justin sat in my lap, eyeing G-Ma, smiling, batting his arms, waving his left hand, scrunching up his face into smiles while we talked, then, finally allowed her to hold him. She was thrilled to be holding the little miracle baby. She encouraged me to pray, and to continue to believe. The fact that Justin is here, today, is already a miracle in itself, she reminded me.

4:45PM: We headed out during rush hour to pick up Nathan.

The next post will be about how he coped with this busy schedule!