Home of the Four Trans

Both Nathan and Justin are getting so big!

Nathan talks up a storm and uses words like “amazing.” His favorite thing is still CARS.

Justin is getting stronger and is almost able to sit all by himself! And, that’s just after 6 physical therapy sessions. Yay! I hope that he’ll get the hang of it by his grand first birthday party (more on that, too).

Pictures will be posted when I find the USB cable…

Sunny, warm, breezy California weather beckoned me for a little stroll. Feeling quite ambitious that morning, I loaded my two bundles into our *new* double stroller (I think I have a stroller obsession), and set out to conquer the hilly roads of our track and the busy sidewalk of the Pacific Coast Highway.

My destination: the famous Ruby’s Crystal Cove Shake Shack.

I realized it was only 9:30 in the morning, too early for milkshakes. But, we need a little field trip to escape from all the clutter of toys, clothes, and stacks of mail. So, we walked, passing joggers with their dogs, elderly couples with their hand holding, and photographers with their cameras. To the right of us were the waves of the ocean crashing against the sandy shore resulting in white froth, sailboats drifting in unison with the horizon, and parents chasing their children to the water. To the left of us was the busy Pacific Coast Highway with cars, big and small, rushing by and the multi-million dollar homes perched upon a hill.

Justin was asleep; he’d just finished his morning meal (I had planned it that way so that I could spend time with Nathan). Nathan and I spent our walk there pointing out airplanes, helicopters, birds, lizards, cars (he names each car specifically referring to the vehicles in his favorite show, Bob the Builder and movie, CARS–his association skills amaze me!).

When we arrived fifteen minutes later, we ordered a chocolate milkshake for him and a pineapple milkshake for me. We shared a bench looking out into the horizon and told each other stories of what all the characters on the beach were doing and where the sailboats, airplanes, and birds were going.

According to Nathan, the airplanes were going home and the birds were going to look for friends.

Justin continued to sleep.

As the sun slowly made its way over our heads, I decided to start making our way back (as I realized I’d be pushing a double stroller with about 60 pounds in occupancy…plus the diaper bag…up. hill.).

Nathan started to calm down, an antecedent to him dozing off–he was quiet.

My mind started to wander. There I was, a relatively young person walking among affluence…I mean, the expensive homes, cars…on a weekday. I saw the looks (well, I always get looks since I look like a teenager and have two kids in tow) like, uh, what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be in school? Are those your kids? (I get asked this often and am told that I am too young to have kids. Uh, I’m 2 years shy of 30–not that young.) They hear me refer to myself as Mommy, forcing themselves to give a second glance…”So, she’s not the nanny?,” I imagine them thinking.

When I crossed through those guarded gates of the community of track homes that morning, I was leaving behind what I felt like I did not deserve. The trail that I walked on, parallel to the ocean, belonged to everyone. As I allowed my mind to wander, I realized that I did not feel ashamed or guilty for embarking on this simple pleasure, on a weekday, nonetheless, because I was investing my time into the well-being and growth of my children…my most treasured assets. I was giving Justin that fresh breath of salty, ocean air, and the feeling of warmth from the sun against his precious face. I was giving Nathan my thoughts, my time and attention (that’s all children really want from their parents), and exposure to the real world.

I had given up so many weekends from the age of 17…I had given up a lot of myself, really, during that time. I was always at a place I did not want to be because there was always a better place I thought I should be at–I could be helping at the church, attending mass, spending time with Loi and my Nathan, my grandma’s house, on the couch reading books or writing, pursuing a Masters or Doctorate. But, I continued on that career path thinking that that was where I was meant to be…but always feeling so empty, like something was missing.

Many may think, “Poor little rich girl.” I had every material possession and my education, and barely a justifiable struggle to speak of. My turmoil and struggles were indeed internal. I was always doing something productive, working long hours, producing monetary gain, playing with Nathan, cleaning up the house, folding laundry. I almost did not allow myself time to just sit and be. At the same time, I never felt like I was doing enough.

As I walked that trail, I realized how far I’ve come since Justin’s come into my life. I no longer fill that emptiness with things and measure my self worth by it either. I’ve found myself again, that little girl who once wrote stories as gifts to her teachers. I’ve found my heart again, in loving my faith. I’ve found my passion in helping the downtrodden.

Sometimes, nurses and staff at the hospital joked that we should use the turmoil he’s caused us in the hospital as leverage when he’ll start acting out as a teenager. Like, he better be thankful that we were there for him and feel bad for all the stress he’s caused us. I know, it was only a joke. But, truth is, I should be thanking him for all that he’s given me, for helping me find myself again, and realizing the true meaning of love and life…for helping me shed of all the superficial fluff surrounding my physical shell and way of thinking.

Along that trail we walked. While I surely did not deserve a multi-million dollar home, I did deserve to be by that beach, on that very day with my children…and they deserved it too with their time with Mommy. We deserved it because we realized a bit of life that is not truly comprehended or appreciated by others…that sometimes, there is no need for separation of who we are and what we do. And, when that is realized, our truest rewards are reached.

Appointment filled week:

Monday: Nathan’s orthopedic appointment for his trigger thumb and middle finger. We are scheduling a (minor) surgery where he will have to undergo general anesteasia to fix it. Hospital stay should be an hour; recovery will take about 3 days.

Tuesday: Justin’s first occupational therapy evaluation at CHOC Rehabilitation Center. He is at the level of a 4-5 month old (although he’s almost 8 months. But, it’s OK! He’s super cute and interactive.) Justin was more interested in getting the attention of the therapist than achieving his tasks. He was constantly smiling and looking at her and batting his hands at her.

It’ll be another 2 weeks before we’ll get an appointment for occupational therapy sessions.

Thursday: Justin’s first physical therapy evaluation with specialist at CHOC Rehabilitation Center.

Monday 3/31/08: Justin’s cardiology appointment with Dr. Rebolledo for an echo and check up. Crossing our fingers and praying that the leaky valve hasn’t gotten any worse and his pumping action is better or stable.

New haircut, new threads, new shoes, same cutie. 
Stop bothering me, I’m eating!
Justin always enjoy spending time with his big brother.
Wow! Nathan has perfected “Blue Steel”.  
This is Justin’s first belly-time post-surgery.  

Get this. Nathan woke up to hear his brother crying for attention while Mama Jen and Papa Loi were still in a daze from the previous night’s crying fest. So, he took matters into his own hands, ran into our room, grabbed the pacifier by the nightstand and put it in Jusitn’s mouth. How CUTE is that?!?!?! As Loi was finally able to regain consciousness, he unwrapped Justin from his burrito wrap to find 3 of his finger puppets stuffed inside. Apparently, Nathan was entertaining his brother as well. **Sigh** If this weren’t so cute, I’d be obsessing over how germ-y Nathan’s hands were when he actually touched that pacifier… 

Ready for a lunch date with my gramps. 

Enjoying a quick game of NBA 2k8 on my PS3.