Home of the Four Trans

Justin is really small. I mean reeeaaaal small for his age. He’s eighteen months, and I feel like he’s been a baby forever. And, no, I’m not just saying that because I see him everyday. Loi and I measure him (length and weight wise) often.

He hasn’t grown spectacularly well. His weight fluctuates up and down. He is now at a constant 18 pounds. As for his height? He’s about 29 inches. He’s a full head shorter than other kids his age. He is not on the charts for weight or height, as in he’s below the 5th percentile.

I wouldn’t worry so much about this if he were following his “own” curve, growing at his own pace. But, for a couple of times, he fell off his own curve, and this got me worrying.

Through the medical and personal accounts that I’ve read, CHD patients are expected to be smaller for their age. Through my experience, now I see why. CHD patients don’t normally eat that well because they often tire before eating enough. They’re gastro-intestinal system is not as efficient in absorbing food and distributing the nutrients and calories because they’re heart isn’t beating at its optimal. The calories that do get absorbed are mostly allocated to the functioning of the heart (which works harder than a normal heart), or the brain. So, with the little calories that they do consume, the majority goes to their heart or brain, leaving little else for the development of other parts of they’re body.

So, Justin’s small-ness can be attributed to nutrition, or the lack of.

What makes me wonder if it’s just Justin’s diet that is causing his inability to thrive is this: when I read about other CHD children, or ask their parents about their development, I find that although the children are small, they’re still within the normal curve. Justin is waaay below it.

Let me also point out that Loi and I are not particularly tall people. I’m at a borderline 5′0, and Loi is 5′7. With this observation, doctors are also quick to point out that Justin’s size may have to do with his parents’ petiteness.

Ok, fine. But, he’s NOT really growing.

This leaves me to wonder, with the inside of his body as messed up as it is (stomach on the wrong side, malrotated intestines, no spleen, hanging pancreas, large liver), not to mention his heart defects, I wonder what other systems in his body are affected, too. Most particularly, his endocrine system. As complex as the human body is, where every system works in accordance with the others, I wonder, how his heterotaxy affects his endocrine system.

I can’t find information anywhere about this. I’ve asked this question on the online support group board. These children vary in sizes and complexity, so it’s hard to compare.

My next resort, after speaking to his cardiologist and pediatrician, of course, would have to be testing. As in, poking and blood drawing. This is another can of worms I must think before opening.

Justin is happy. Should I just leave well enough alone?

The weather forecast called for clouds and rain. When I looked out the window this morning, it was bright and sunny. Perfect day for wearing a dress, I thought. I love dresses because it makes me feel put together even when I’m not. It says, hmmm, cute. Not, oh, she’s a frazzled mom who needs a shower.

I had spent the morning preparing these yummy Rachel Ray inspired chicken sausage patties to be eaten with rice or hawaiian rolls. I washed the remainder of the dishes from 2 days ago, loaded it into the dishwasher. I made Justin a banana smoothie for breakfast that he ate (yes!).

Physical therapy was canceled, again, today because Justin’s PT was just recovering from a respiratory thing. We erred on the safe side, and decided to reschedule for next week. So, our morning was more free than usual.

We did the OT thing, though. He had just been re-evaluated as required by California Children’s Services (CCS) to see where he is developmentally, whether he’s reached his goals, and what new goals are to be made for him. It seems he has sensory loss in his right hand/arm (result of stroke), which makes it difficult for him to realize to use it–he cannot feel that he has that part of his body there. He cannot flex his wrist upward, or turn his arm into supine position. He does have some control of his shoulder and elbow which enables him to voluntarily bring his arms up and down, and side to side. With those motor functions, he can help dress/undress himself, knock over blocks, spin a big wheel. He can also bear weight through his shoulders while on his belly, on all fours (assisted), and side sitting. Being able to bear weight through his shoulders also enables him to combat crawl forward and sideways (although, he still prefers to roll).

Here are some other things Justin can do:

Stand unassisted for a good 1 minute. The blue thing on his hand is a splint to help keep his hand open from a tight fisted position.

Enjoy a bottle with his brother (unassisted, but only sometimes). He’s learned to compensate.

We’ve had him for a year post bi-directional Glenn. Now, the Fontan (the third of the palliative surgeries) are in the forefront of our minds. Thoughts of how another open heart surgery will affect him are prominent and persistent. I wonder, “What if he has another —?” Then, all our hard work in the past year will mean nothing?

As unhealthy as it may seem, I will not stop thinking these thoughts. With these thoughts come questions that I hope will help me find some answers.

When I think and plan for the worse, it also helps me appreciate the here and now. Justin is here, and he smiles, and he knows his Mama. He loves his Mama, in fact. He fights with his brother for toys. He grunts when he doesn’t get his way. He whines when he wants to be carried. He follows instructions, mimics, and is always the life of the party.

Yes, I push my child in his therapy exercises and massages, everyday. And, heck, it can get exhausting when all I want to do is play with him, and let him play in peace. In the middle of it all, though, we cuddle and laugh, and let go of the heavy burdens he’s been born with in this life.

Like today, we had a ho hum day of nothingness.

When I was skeptical of the rain, I had made plans to take the boys to Woodbridge Lake, closeby Nathan’s school, for a delightful lunch with the ducks, swans, and midges. I had even packed some soon-to-be expired hot dog buns.

By the time we had gotten out of the school doors, the sunshine had gone away, and clouds had started to blanket the sky in a soft grey.

We headed to my mom’s house (Ba, to the kids), instead, to hang out. My sister was home. We watched a bit of “10 Years Younger” on TLC and each took a shot at how old the lady was before they started her transformation.

Nathan played with a broken eucalayle from his room (my old room). Justin watched his brother in awe. They slept. We ate. Just one of those ho hum days.

In the evening, I headed out to Nathan’s school for a Parent’s Education Night about Mathematics in the Montessori program. Very impressive. It was a 1 hour instruction on how toddlers and primary schoolers learn the foundation of algebra (addition, subtraction, mulitplication, division), and the idea of carrying and exchange using the Montessori tools. Nathan is definitely staying in this program.

I also asked the academic director about Justin, and when she felt it was appropriate for him to start the Montessori program, given his delayed development. She said she’d at least like for him to have his gross motor skills so that he would be upright and walking. This is for his own safety as the other toddlers will be wearing shoes and bringing in a lot of germs on the ground. Always good to know.

Hope you all are doing well. Thank you for checking in.

Life in the Tran household has been quite hectic since the holiday season began back in November. Now, with the celebration of the Chinese New Year behind us (January 25, 2009), we can rest easy knowing that the holiday season is officially over…and finally, get back into some sort of routine…and, some blogging.

I know all that are still checking in are wondering how my boys are doing. The update of how they spent their holiday will come in the form of pictures.

I’ve also been postponing posting updates because I just wanted to enjoy what we had with the boys while we had it. This may be an irrational fear that has arisen from my undiagnosed post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD–after enduring and witnessing all that I have with Justin and his surgeries), but I am afraid to speak of any good in fear of something bad happening. So, I just let it be.

Justin had his neurology and orthopedic appointments since the last time I posted. There’s nothing new to report there: his right foot is still in pronation, and his right hand and arm still need much therapy to improve. He is continuing his occupational and physical therapy 3 times a week. Starting this week, he is also receiving infant stim from the Regional Center of Orange County to learn some cognitive and social skills. It’s been a year since he’s had the stroke, and at times, I do feel discouraged that he has not made as much improvement as we had hoped. But, although subtle, the progress is there.

Justin also celebrated several anniversaries in January: January 9 is the anniversary of the day his heart unexpectedly stopped in the hospital, one day post heart catheterization. January 16 is the anniversary of his second heart surgery, the bi-directional Glenn. On both of these days, we did mini parties for him, and he loved the attention.

Nathan continues to challenge me, Loi, and our patience to the max. Sometimes we’ll get to experience some of his cute little boy innocence when he asks us questions about the world around him. Most of the time, though, there’s a lot of resistance on his part in doing what is expected of him. I’m beginning to see how he is more like his father each and every day…resisting authority!! You know it’s true, Hon.

There have been days (like last week) where Nathan has driven me to the brink of insanity. I mean insanity. Wouldn’t go to school even if we dragged him, refused to get in and out of the car (made me sit in the parking lot for 45 minutes with Justin in my lap because he wanted to sit in Justin’s car seat), and refused to speak when asked to greet people.

On days like those, I wonder what the heck I’m doing wrong. I was even driven to start drinking…well, almost. It had been 5 years since I’ve actually drank alcohol. The days of downing tequila shots with licks of lime and salt off the back of my hand were over since I decided on a random day back in 2003 that I didn’t want to kill any of my brain cells that way.

Well, I really needed a quick relaxant on this particular day. Of course, being the responsible parent that I am, I told Loi my plans first, and waited for him to get home before opening a 2006 bottle of merlot (rich in flavonoids, good for the cardiovascular system. See? I’m responsible). I poured it into a tall water glass, swished it a few times, and took a pecker sip. Um, yuck. It was alcohol, and I do not like the taste of alcohol. I tried to convince that I needed this, but I couldn’t get past the taste. I really wished I could have. But, after the 5th sip, I gave up.

Loi laughed as I poured myself that glass of wine because it was so entirely not me to drown my sorrows in something like alcohol.

I still haven’t figured out how to find any “me” time, yet. There are things I would love to do like hit the gym and lift some weights (total endorphin inducer), write, go on a weekend getaway sans kids, read, dance…but, by the time the kids are in bed, I am exhausted. All I want to do is something mindless like watching a show on Hulu.

My energy level is not what is was 6 months ago…I’m losing my stamina…could it be because I have a little more than a year before turning 30?!?!?

Okay, enough about me. Truth is, I just need to find my center.

Moving on…

Loi is busy as usual working 6-7 days a week with his “day job,” and our little side business. But, he always tries his best to alleviate my stresses. He’ll cook dinner when I just want to throw myself under the covers like the day never happened, he’ll prepare the children’s lunches, he’ll help clean, and he approved of me going to New York on my own for my birthday. Yay!

Yes, I can be the most terrible mother and wife, and almost undeserving. But, I know how truly blessed I am to be surrounded by the most wonderful people.

Thanks for checking in. Happy New Year!

This is the second day in months that I’ve had both my kids home with me with nothing major on our agenda to do. Nathan and Justin are both on winter break from school and therapy, respectively. Both are relatively healthy enough to have some uninterrupted play with each other on the ground…with their cars. They had a full day together yesterday with some bickering about whose car is whose. Don’t let Justin’s sweet face fool you–he can be quite feisty. You’ll see him scrunch his face up, and grind his teeth like he’s determined to get what he wants to get from big brother, and nothing’s gonna stop him. He’ll keep rolling, combat crawling, and reaching with his good left arm toward the object he’d like to own, even as his brother tries to move the objects as far away as possible from him. There is a breaking point for Nathan, though, a time when he no longer feels it’s fair that he must defend his toys. This is when things start getting physical. Sometimes, Nathan will hold his hand out against Justin’s forehead so that he could come no closer. Other times, Nathan will use his whole body as a human road block so that Justin would not get past towards the toys. But, Justin does not allow this to deter him from his goal. He’s learned to crawl over and around his brother’s blockages–he’s learned to create detours, if you will. When all else fails, though, Justin will cry in hopes of me coming to the rescue. How I deal with it depends on the source of the problem. Did Nathan take away one of Justin’s toys? Or, is Justin just being a little tyrant? But, this is besides the point of this story.

So, they fight and bicker as little brothers do. But, today, I witnessed the sweetest thing I never expected my firstborn to do. He fed his little brother. They were sitting side by side in their double stroller en route to the local Pavilions for our weekly groceries. Nathan had packed himself a canister of Gerber’s Cheese Puffs. As he pulled one of those puffed crackers out, Justin started whining for some. While pushing the stroller, I asked Nathan if he could share one with Justin. Because Justin was bundled up in layers, he was a little stiff and could not move his left arm over to reach for the cracker. So, Nathan started feeding him.

“Look, Mommy,” Nathan says. “Justin is a bird!”

Of course, I stopped to look and found that Nathan was right. Justin was like a baby bird receiving a worm from his mother’s beak. So cute!

On the way home from the market, Justin started fussing for some milk. Realizing how successful his attempt was the first time, Nathan tried to hush Justin by popping another cracker into his mouth.

“Look, Mommy,” Nathan says. “Justin is a snowman!”

To this, I had a little chuckle. Nathan was right. The cracker was sticking out of Justin’s mouth like the carrot of a snowman’s nose. Again, so cute!

Moments like this remind me of how blessed I am to be allowed my time with my children. I am allowed to witness how they grow and interact and interpret the world.

Nathan is beginning to assume the role of big brother, now. He wants to be a “big boy”, and is showing us that he is capable of this responsiblity. I am so very proud of him.

The days have been full with my boys and I bounding from one event to the next, quick in our step, sure in ways.

Nathan, after three months in school, has grown into his own. He is much more confident, now. In fact, he has joined “circle time,” a social activity, with the rest of his classmates. He’s also transitioned to a full day program which lasts until 3pm. Every day, when I pick him up from school, he greets me with some sort of project in his hand, one that he had made especially for me. Usually, it is some sort of creative art project or botany book he’s made. He speaks of his classmates, and his friends issues (and, so it begins), and tells me how much he likes school.

Justin, after 8 months of therapy, is beginning to show major progress in his right arm and hand. He now knows how to knock over blocks, spin a wheel toy, and roll a toy car with his right side. He’s also showing improvement in his gross motor skills as he combat crawls (in his own left-dominant way), and stands and takes steps more often (although his right ankle is still pronating, which makes it difficult for him to stand upright very well on his own). He’s also emulating sounds that we make like when we count. Most of the time, he’s just babbling in his own language. As for his physical health, he’s grown about 2.5 inches in the last month, after about 8 months of no growth.

For those who are kind enough to ask us about our little boys, and about Justin and his progress, I tell them they are doing fine. I recite the points of progress my boys have made. I tell them, “Yes, they’re good.”

Here I am, three days before Christmas Eve of 2008, having enjoyed many endeavors that seemed nearly impossible last year, and still, almost afraid to proclaim my joy in all that my family and I have been allowed this season. We’ve braved the malls together, studied the towering Christmas trees with their sparkling twinkle lights and ornaments. Justin and I shared a cheesecake. Nathan had his first movie theater experience with Loi. We’ve been to restaurants, weddings, and parties.

I feel selfish for not claiming how happy I am when others are struggling to put food on the table, and providing the necessities for their children this year; when others may not have their children with them, and I do.

I suppose this is one of the hazards of having a child with a health condition that places such uncertainty in our lives. Well, it is for me, anyway. It’s like I’m still afraid to rejoice in fear of something…happening. Hana kara, I think it is. So, I keep to myself, and get upset when Loi starts getting excited about anything.

Take it as it comes, one day at a time. Breathe in, breathe out. Just keep breathing…

And, I pray to remind myself to be thankful, and to maintain my belief in miracles (that do happen!).

Thank you for checking up on us. We wish you all a Merry Christmas, and may peace be with you.

Justin and I met with ID to discuss his aplenia and a fever plan.

Meeting with the ID doc helped clarify my main concern of what to do when Justin develops a fever. We discussed how to get through the ER without having to wait if Justin develops a fever (by announcing that he has NO SPLEEN), what to expect at the ER (blood must be drawn for a blood culture and an antibiotic injection must be given to protect him over the next 17 hours as the culture grows to show if he has an infection). After giving him the antibiotic injection, we would be sent home to wait for the results. If there is an infection, he would need to be admitted to the hospital for treatment.

Of course, the ER is secondary to the doctor’s office. If we’re able to get to the doctor’s office, we should do so first. The same procedure would be done at the doctor’s office.

He urged us not to treat Justin with Tylenol or Motrin to reduce his fevers. Justin’s ability to produce a fever is like a smoke alarm telling us there’s something going on in his body. He does not want us to turn this off with medicine. It is crucial that he is seen right away when he does develop a fever so that the doctor can take the necessary precautions. It is also important to watch how his fevers develop. The fever should always improve, and not spike upward (let’s say from 101-104) in the course of 4 days. If it does, we need to report it to either him or his pediatrician.

I asked if the fever itself could harm Justin. He answered no. There are some children who develop febrile seizures with high fevers, but that does not necessarily damage a child and his brain.

Because Justin is up-to-date with his immunizations (minus the Hib booster and MMR), and is on a prophylactic amoxicillin, he is protected from the main forms of encapsulated bacteria, mainly, pneumococcal, meningcoccal, and influenza. However, not all. Prevnar (vaccine for pneumococcal) protects him from only 5 different strains.

The ID doc made a point to say that 99% of the time asplenic children develop fevers, it will not be a result of an infection. But, for that 1%, we must be careful all of the time. He stresses that once the child has an infection, and we do not take the necessary measures to care for him, he can go downhill very quickly.

This doctor is much more aggressive in his treating method than the other (not ID) doctors that I’ve encountered. As I listened to him, I understood why. During our meeting, he explained that he has been in the business for 17 years, and he’s encountered 2 asplenic children who have contracted an infection…one didn’t make it through. His perspective is that unless a doctor’s experienced how it’s like to treat a child, and watch a child with no spleen fight a bacterial infection…and see one not make it…they will not understand why it is important to be aggressive from the get-go with treating these children.

With that said, he also acknowledged how “intelligent” our pediatrician is, and will understand if he has his own method of treatment. Although the ID doc’s method is “extreme,” according to him, he’d rather be safe than sorry. But, each doctor will have his own opinion.

We also discussed Justin’s immunization schedule which he will dictate and send a copy to our pediatrician. He explained that Justin will be on amoxicillin until he’s 5 years old. Between the ages of 5-17, his immune system will still be weaker than normal, but strong enough to fight off the bacteria, so, he does not recommend the amoxicillin during those years. If he does develop a fever, then we are to take him to the doctors or hospital right away. The course of treatment at that time will depend on how he is from a clinical standpoint, and we’ll discuss further as we approach that point. By around 17-20 years old, we can worry less, though the risks are still there. His body, by that time will be a little stronger (not taking into account his heart condition).

He gave me a copy of his “bible” that he refers to on treating asplenic children (photocopied pages from his reference book) that he told me to give to every single one of Justin’s doctors, and all those who are treating him. He asked me to bring it to the hospital as well.

I am grateful for having met this doctor. He had great compassion and imparted me with more knowledge than I had before meeting him. I hope by sharing it with all of you, you’ll gain a better understanding, and encourage you to ask more questions.

From the beginning, doctor after doctor have shied away from having discussions with us about Justin’s asplenia. I would ask, and they would tell me that it’s not a big deal, essentially. According to them, the immunizations and amoxicillin are enough to protect him.

Perhaps it is part of my nature to always want to know more so that I can prepare. I was on the brink of annoyance with the brush off, but really pushed the issue and was referred over to infectious diseases by Justin’s cardiologist.

Will all this information and fever plan completely shield my child from harm’s way? No. Does it allow me a better understanding of how to care for and protect my child in the best of my ability? Yes.

I’m a mom, and I’m just trying to do my job.

We ended the meeting with the ID doctor telling me this: “The best way to protect your child is to have a good mom. And, you’re a good mom, a terrific mom. Keep him up to date with the immunizations and keep up with the amoxicillin. He’ll be fine.”

I don’t like being called “super mom” or being told how great of a mom I am (because I’m not. Let’s face it, we all have our moments). But, from him, I’ll take that remark as a compliment because it is coming from a medical professional who acknowledges the role of a parent in her child’s care, even if she’s not a doctor. Thanks, Doc.

Nathan crafted his artistic pumpkin at a friend’s birthday party. 

I’ve been MIA lately because Nathan’s been sick. He even missed out on his class Halloween celebration (that included him participating in a parade don in costume and everything! Boo hoo.) He caught some virus that caused his fever to go up to 103 degrees, stomach aches, and vomiting. According to his ped, it takes about 3-4 days after he’s contracted the virus for symptoms to show. First thing that came to my mind was JUSTIN!!! Of course, I was worried sick about Nathan, with him being so groggy and miserable and sedentary…so unlike his usual self. But, the thought of Justin having to go back into the hospital made me even sicker…intubation, IV’s, poking, prodding, and who knows what else…you know how it goes.

I hoped and I prayed.

Two days go by, and I thought we were in the clear. Justin had a little cold that he was getting over, but other than that, he was his usual happy self. Then, at 1AM Saturday, out of no where, Justin wakes up vomiting. Not once, but repeatedly. Loi and I were freaked out! I kept him upright, watched a little TV with him, fed him pedialyte and water. Two hours go by, he seemed to calm down with the gagging, and we put him to sleep. We contemplated going to the hospital, but used our best judgment, and decided not to. It was a weekend, in the wee hours of the morning, and while Justin was vomiting, he looked, and acted as usual. He did not seem to be under much distress. We tried to keep him hydrated the best we could until morning.

Justin was being watched and cared for from above.

We made it through Sunday with purely pedialyte, water, and some solids. By Monday, he was back to formula and his usual pureed diet.

Nathan took a little longer to recover. In fact, his temperature went up that Monday night to almost 104, and he continued to complain about his stomach pains. I was worried that it was some sort of bacterial infection. With some rest, and more fluids, by Wednesday he was back to his rambunctious self…you know, the one that causes tornado like destructions throughout the house?

Today, Nathan enjoyed a game of rolling his CARS and Bob the Builder vehicles through “mud”, aka, Playdoe. 

With all the sickness going around, though, they both had a little opportunity to celebrate halloween and went trick-or-treating.

Nathan pointing out where he’d like to go next as Justin hangs onto his Kit Kat and Crunch bar. The Kit Kat was the first candy he received and refused to let go of it. When I asked for it, he brought his hand behind his back with the intention of hiding it from Mama.

Justin as a football player because it was cold out and his dinosaur costume was a little dirty. I don’t think anyone knew what he was supposed to be, but gave him candy anyway because he is so darn cute!

Fireman Nathan enjoyed a few rounds of MarioKart at his Grandma’s house after trick or treating.

Justin at physical therapy dressed as a floppy eared cat with sequined ears…too cute, couldn’t resist!

Justin the Dinosaur. Enough said.

 Until next time, I hope you all enjoy the change in seasons! I certainly am loving the cool, crisp air of Autumn that is now upon us.

I haven’t kept much track of Justin’s age. In fact, I often forget how old my son is (14 months). There are 2 reasons for this:

1. His Size. He’s been growing very slowly compared to other “normal” babies, that his size does not change enough for me to realize how much time has gone by. We’ve had him in this baby stage for a very long time.
2. My Perspective. I don’t count the days, anymore…You know, the days before the weekend, before Christmas, before birthdays, before his next surgery. I take each day as it comes, and pray that that day and our following days are just as beautiful.

While I do not obsess so much over his chronological age, I do take note of his every development. It’s a joy to see how he’s growing physically, cognitively, and socially.

Here are some highlights:

Roller Baby: He doesn’t quite crawl or walk yet (but, we’re working on it), but that doesn’t keep him from getting into things, and moving from place to place. He loves to roll! He’ll roll to the cable box to push the buttons. He’ll roll to his brother to grab a toy away. He’ll off the bed so his Papa could catch him. We call him our Rolley Poley Ollie!

Babbling: He says a lot of ba, ah, ma. Lately, he’s trying to learn how to say Hi and Bye. I think he has the most beautiful sing song voice. Whenever I sing to him, his face lights up, and he responds by babbling in this cute singing voice.

Waving: He can do the side to side wave, or the backwards to himself wave…on command! Yes! He understands. Very exciting.

Fake Crying/Whining: He’s beginning to know how to get what he wants…by crying or whining. The funniest thing is when he whines to get Nathan in trouble. After Nathan pushes him on the ground, or whacks him with a toy, or throws something in his face, he’ll look for me first to make sure that I had seen what had just happened. Once I start to scold at Nathan, then he’ll start crying for extra effect.

Rolling/Creeping towards a toy fire truck.

Stopped to pose for a picture for Mommy.

Unsuspectingly gets whacked in the head with some very hard balls while posing for a picture. I was in the midst of taking a picture of a smiling Justin when Nathan came up from behind. Things can get rough around here.

Head Shaking: When I ask him a question, I’ll ask at the end, Yes? or No? If the answer is Yes, he’ll nod repeatedly with a smile on his face. If the answer is No, he’ll shake his head from side to side repeatedly with a smile on his face. Again, he understands…Very exciting!

Putting toys in the basket: He knows how to do this on command!

Thank you everyone for following Justin’s journey. Though these milestones may seem so boring to some, they are like little joy nuggets to us, and we want to share them with you.

He’s been through 2 open heart surgeries (BT Shunt and Glenn) in his short time on this earth, and twice, he’s passed on us. But, time after time, he’s given this life to live, and we are grateful for every moment that he has with us, growing and thriving.

I realize some are concerned about whether or not he’s there, with his cardiac condition the way it is, and with the damage from the stroke. I cannot say for sure because I do not know…I don’t think anyone does until he gets older. But, what he’s been showing us are great signs.

Please continue to pray for our little miracle baby.

I helped make a dream come true for my little Nathan.

We showed up to the door of our local fire station unannounced (though, I did speak to the Chief about this a few weeks back, and he said to come whenever!) with a box of brownies in our hands.

The firemen were so gracious in not only giving Nathan a tour of all of their 5 vehicles, but also by allowing him to sit in every single one of them. We even left with parting gifts: a plastic junior firefighter hat, and a sticker badge.

What he really wanted to do was drive it.

He’s so small in this dirt engine.

The following week was fireman this and fireman that.

“What is your problem?,” he’d say. What he really meant was, “Do you need help?”

Then, he’d run in with his fire hose aka vacuum attachment to put out the fire or rescue someone or something.

Helping Papa water the plants with his “fire hose”.

Then, he got really creative.

Nathan as Fireman Dinosaur!

This trip was exciting for me as well. It was such an honor to meet these men who serve our city, and protect us from the fires that come rolling through during the Santa Ana Winds season. I actually ran into a few of them while at the market, and they recognized us. They even remembered Justin’s name (Nathan wasn’t with us). I appreciate this sense of community. I hope Nathan and Justin learn to appreciate it as well.

Being able to experience things like this with my child, and see his eyes light up, and his imagination and understanding of the world grow…and knowing that I was a part of it…reminds me that the daily turmoil that is motherhood worth it.

I don’t know where Justin gained his appetite from, but I’m not complaining! He’s putting everything he can get his tiny little hands on into his mouth.

He’s gained a full pound and five ounces in a month and a half. This is awesome considering he’s gained only 5 oz over 3 months not too long ago. I’m proud to say that my roll of chubs is now a full 18 pounds (per pediatrician at a recent check up).

Here is Justin’s feeding progress at a glance:

The last picture on the bottom is actually of him eating a spring roll. His eyes lit up as I sat down next to him with a plate full of freshly made rolls, and he immediately allowed the watermelon to fall from his hands to reach for one. The little nibbler got nothing more than bits of lettuce and rice paper in his mouth, but loved the experience nonetheless.