Home of the Four Trans

Our season of change:

I’ve tried many times before, but the words wouldn’t come out right so I never pushed published. It’s been almost a month and I felt it was about time that I gave an update on our family’s status. There’s been lots going on, mostly in my mind, but in the real world, too.

I’ve started giving my time to my church volunteering as a teacher’s assistant for catechism class (I finally learned to make time). I love working with the kids and getting a refresher on the scripture while I’m at it.

Nathan and Justin got their first colds of the season with mucous filled throats and noses.

We’ve decided to homeschool Nathan this year as a test run for the next several years (I’ve been spending many a nights researching on different methods of teaching, support groups, and learning materials).

We’re planning for Justin’s transition into the school district as a special ed student next year; the actual process begins in January. The emotions are overflowing; I never considered having to accept the label of special ed for my son; to me, he’s bright and amazing…not special ed.

Our lease is up in January, and we’re still deciding which school district we should live in for the sake of getting the most beneficial special education program for Justin (some more research and school visits to be done within the next month so that we can make our decision) all the while contemplating the benefits of homeschooling him.

Also, with the president declaring the H1N1 pandemic a national emergency doesn’t help the worry any.

Since I don’t drink, I’ve been washing away my sorrows in shows like FlashForward, Grey’s Anatomy, Dancing with the Stars, and sometimes Ugly Betty and Cougar Town.

Please pray for us as we embark on these new journeys of our life. In particular, please pray for my children and their health (especially with the H1N1 going around).

Thank you for checking in on our family :).

Two years ago, Justin made his grand entrance into the world with a giant wail. I’ll never forget the way he immediately became calm when he saw and heard his Mommy for the first time. He was screaming with his nauseated newborn voice while getting measured, weighed, blessed, etc. But, the moment he sensed his Mommy’s body and voice, his wailing stopped. He comfortably settled into my arms, quiet and content. By that time, everyone but my sister, mom, mother-in-law, and Loi were allowed in the room. Everyone else was outside, and was questioning why Justin had suddenly stopped crying. It was because of me.

A few minutes later, we were separated for six hours (the number of hours it took for the stupid epideral to wear off. The epideral that was administered when my baby was already down, and ready to go. The epideral I was pushed to get. Ugh.) before seeing each other again. I remember watching the clock wondering how my baby was doing. I remember my sister bringing me a picture she had taken of Justin as he was pushed down the corridor to  NICU at the Children’s Hospital next door, with his eyes wide open, curious of the world around him. I remember the sadness I felt, even days later, for not yet having seen my child’s eyes opened. The next time I saw my newborn baby, he was surrounded by a respiratory therapist and nurses because he was under respiratory distress as a side effect of the medication that was given to him. At that time, the first time I had to spend with my new baby, he was intubated and connected to tubes, wires, and machines; his eyes were still closed. I remember the tears I shed for the pain my child suffered. I remember singing to him, “You are my sunshine.” I pecked him on the forehead. I rubbed his tiny fingers between mine. All the while, he continued to sleep, comforted by his mother’s warmth, I’m sure.

A few hours after our time together, he was prepared for transfer to Children’s Hospital in LA where his surgery would take place. I remember how he cried in his sleep while the transfer team prepared him for the helicopter ride. He squeezed my finger with his whole golf ball of a hand.

I remained at home in Orange County resting, healing, and pumping while Loi bonded with Justin.

I came up four days later, the day before his first open heart surgery. I held my baby, with his eyes still closed…and, didn’t want to let go. But, I had to. As I looked through the images of the pain my child suffered following his arrival into the world (pictures that are difficult for me to see, and I’m sure will be even more so for you), a feeling of heaviness fell upon me, as it did back then; no child should have such a cruel and cold reception into the world; no child should be away from his mother’s cradling arms for so long.

I did not see his eyes until days after his heart surgery.

Now, two years later, he’s by my side, like a joey to a kangaroo, and I take not one moment for granted. His wails have been replaced by urgent calls of  “Mama! Mama! Mama!” And, those eyes, the ones I had achingly longed to see?  I knew there was something special about them. His neurologist once said, “The eyes are the window to the soul,” and somehow, Justin’s spoke to her. An aunt once commented on how his eyes look straight to your heart. When we go out, he draws people to him with his bright eyes while batting his lashes. Yes, they are special, almost as special as the person who sees with it.

So, how do we celebrate such a life that has touched us so deeply? How do I create a day to express to him how very special he is to us. Because of our (my) fear of what the future holds, I tend to cram the days of our lives with mini celebrations by way of outings and adventures. I pack the days with wrapping my arms around him and kissing him and telling him how special and cute and wonderful and amazing and lovable he is. I cook for him. I let him be, explore, smile, dance, laugh, watch tv, eat ice cream, scoot around with just a diaper and shirt on–because to live life is to celebrate it, right?

Well, on his birthday, I gave to him the only way I knew how–through the labor of my love. I spent 4 hours total on his double layer, 9″, marshmallow fondant chocolate cake (it was my first time ever baking something so fancy hence the hours of labor). I beat, mixed, kneaded, rolled, cut. I spent another hour printing, cutting, gluing, and stringing his personalized birthday sign together. I filled balloons with helium. Whether or not he understood the significance of his day, I wanted him to see the festivities that surround it. Loi helped make his birthday hat, wrapped his present, and most importantly kept the kids away on a special trip to McDonalds for breakfast (so they could play on the playground, also), and a couple of trips around the block so that I could create the “surprise” for Justin. Nathan helped decorate the birthday table with his cars, and was so proud of accomplishing his “mission”.

Although he did not say it, I know Justin understood everything was for him. He was so happy to see his “pat, pat” ( his words for “Little Einstein”) cake, and squealed in delight. While we sang “Happy Birthday” to him, he clapped. At the end of the song, he knew he needed to blow out his candle, and he was successful (after several attempts)!

Opening his one and only present was a hit.

We spent the day at Jumpin’ and Jammin’, an indoor playground facility. Justin spent most of his time in the toddler area, scooting around, watching other kids, and trying to interact with them. He also spent some time with Nathan collecting balls and loading up the shooters.

Loi and I just wanted to spend time with him as a family, with all of us together. As simple as that sounds, being together is a treasure we cherish deeply because our past experiences have proven that we may not always have this luxury.

We ended the day with a birthday bath, and of Justin trying to show us how old he is, now!

I hope my little one knows how much he means to us. Happy Birthday, My Love!

P.S.

Justin was torturing his brother for some of the day, hitting him with cars, and taking apart his LEGOS. I had to put him in a corner at one point. It was his day, but I had to do it. Learning the concept of discipline is a part of living life, yeah?

Thanks for checking in on our little man and allowing him into your lives.

Since we’ve had Justin, we’ve learned to enjoy the simpler things in life. Big vacations to faraway places do not play into our plans as Justin is limited to where he can go in altitude and proximity to hospitals and medical care. As residents of sunny Southern California, though, we’ve found there to be endless opportunities for exploring and excitement here in our home state.

Mall

It’s been awhile since we’ve been to South Coast Plaza. Aquariums, parks, and Legoland have taken the place of shopping, but, we had a birthday gift to shop for at the Disney Store this particular Friday, so off we went.

Warm croissants and pastries from Vie de France, carousel rides, balloons, and toy stores. Need I say more?

These balloons are $6 each! My kids didn’t ask for one, thank goodness. But, they sure are pretty to look at!

Justin was not so sure about the carousel.

After one round, he warmed up to it, and wanted to go for a second time! After the second time, he didn’t want to get off! After he got off, he kept pointing at the carousel, and grunting to insist that I take him on, again. Didn’t happen.

Nathan had fun, he really did. He just hates getting his picture taken. Don’t know why…

Justin and Nathan playing at the train table. Notice that Justin is standing and playing by himself! Yay!

Again, the brothers playing side by side. Notice how Justin is standing by himself and playing with his unaffected arm. Yay!

I don’t get why the kids are so intrigued by the escalator. I think they went up and down all 3 flights. But, it’s sure good for providing them with sensory input.

On this trip, I’ve noticed how much more independent my children have become. My once trusty companion, the double stroller, is, now, more of a cumbersome contraption. I found myself unable to keep up with Nathan as he swerved through the aisles in the toy store because the stroller was a darn wide load! Justin didn’t make it any easier as he preferred that I hold him under his arms as he walked through the aisles, following his brother. Eventually, I ditched the stroller to a side, and kept up with the kids at the train and race car track tables.

Upon entering the toy store, we met a nice father who later introduced us to his 3 year old son who has Down Syndrome and endured an open heart surgery. The father had noticed Justin’s scars when his shirt lifted a bit as he reached for a toy.

I knew he had seen more than he had bargained for when he allowed a “Wow” to escape his lips. I ignored it, not knowing how else to respond. Then, about a half minute later, he said, “You know, my son had heart surgery when he was 3 months old.”

The ice broke, and it turned out that we live in the same city. He told me how well his son is doing, health wise, and is trying to catch up cognitively. They had plans to travel to Japan the next day. After having his son, he and his wife had a pair of healthy twins.

I thought, “Wow, life does go on.” It does. We breathe, laugh, smile, explore, contemplate, move on, LIVE, every day.

He said goodbye and good luck, and I was so grateful. This really set the tone for the remainder of our weekend.

Beach

Can you believe that we live 25 minutes from the coast, but have not traveled to the beach for 2 years? Part of the reason is my phobia of the sun and the damage it could incur on our skin and health. The other part is because Justin is on certain medications that make him more sensitive to sunlight (i.e. sunburn). However, we lathered ourselves with sun block, topped our heads with brimmed hats, and headed out to the sea-side.

The kids kicked their feet in the water, Nathan chased waves, we dug our feet in the sand. In between, we lounged on our Lightening McQueen beach towels and munched on BBQ Lays Potato Chips and Rold Gold’s Pretzels.

It was only 2.5 hours that we spent on that beach, but I know it left such a positive impression on Nathan that he asked to do it, again, the next day. Maybe next week…

Justin looking out into the ocean.

Nathan preparing to scoop up some wet sand.

Can you find My Boys?

We sure are a colorful bunch

That evening, we attended a birthday party at Chuck E Cheese’s.

The remainder of the week was family time, and graduation parties.

Upcoming Events

This month, we’re looking forward to cherry picking on some local Cherry Orchards, movie in the park, and family clay time (Mommy and Nathan only). Maybe, a trip to the Discovery Center to learn about robots, if Nathan is up to it.

This week, Justin has neurology and opthamology appointments for routine check ups.

Thanks for checking up on us. I hope you all have a wonderful week.

August 13th marks two milestones in my children’s lives.

First, it is the day of Nathan’s coming into this world. He is my firstborn and represents true love. I never knew I could love anyone so much until I met him. From the moment I held him for the first time after 10 months of incubating him, 12 hours of labor, and 27 minutes of pushing, I knew I had a special boy on my hands. He turned his head to respond to my mom on one side, and my mother in law on the other when they called him. He also gave me eye contact. What kind of newborn who had just undergone the trauma of entering the birth canal does things like that? Mine, apparently. Nathan has never failed to amaze me since then. Upon meeting, most people think he’s 4 or 5, but, he’s now only 3. He knows how to negotiate. For example, I’ll tell him, “If you eat all your food (he is a lazy eater), you can have 5 m&ms.” He’ll respond with, “How about 10 m&ms,” then raise up both hands to show me 10. Nathan is a person you have to experience to understand how amazing he is. Words cannot describe how humorous and intelligent he is. I thought there was not possibly any more room in me to love another child the way I love him. I thought how unfair it would be for our other children (and if we should have any more) because I would not love them the same way.

Then, Justin came into the world and proved me wrong. We’ve jumped through firey hoops with this one, and would do it all again for him. One year ago on August 13th, Justin had his first open heart surgery that sent us all on an emotional rollercoaster ride. Now, a year later, he is a bouncing bundle of joy who just smiles, smiles, smiles.

My plan was to take the boys to the Aquarium of the Pacific in Long Beach to celebrate (they both love watching the fish swim around and around). But, of course, Nathan had one of his 20 minute tantrums because he was “tired”, and did not want to get in the car. Instead, he wanted his milk in a bottle (yes, he’s still on the bottle. He knows how to drink out of a cup, but loves his bottle because it’s comforting), lay on the couch, and watch CARS. I had packed everything into the car, with one remaining item left to load (Nathan), and he threw everything out, including his favorite white blanket and pillow, soiling it in disgusting dirt, germs, and wood chips (from one of Loi’s projects). I put it in the laundry closet. More crying ensued. Meanwhile, Justin was in my arms, staring at his brother like, “What the heck are you doing?.” There were moments when Justin even flapped his arms in excitement, thinking all the rukus was some game. When his brother did not respond to the arm flapping and squealing, he got confused and started to cry. I loaded Justin back in the car in the garage (to keep him away from the noise), and tried to calm Nathan down. I gathered all my patience up, bent down to his level and told him that I knew he was tired, and that I loved him. I gave him a hug, and that (finally) made everything better. By then, it was already 4 o’ clock, Justin was tired, and I was exhausted, so we all took a nap together.

An hour later, I woke up and prepared the house for our family to come over for Nathan’s 3rd celebration (so spoiled!). Loi came home with the food (prime rib and sides. Yum!) and built Nathan’s present (a bite sized CARS computer desk). After a 3 hour nap, Nathan woke up to opening presents from his aunties. After dinner and cake, Nathan received his gift from us that was hidden under a blanket.

We celebrated Justin’s anniversary by saying “Happy Anniversary.” We didn’t want to take this day away from Nathan.

We have had more parties this year than ever, with each of our boys celebrating their birthdays three times. But, I’m not complaining. I’ll take planning a party to planning a surgery any day!

Here’s to a healthy year for both my boys.

Apparently “technology” is not my middle name. I am a little lame when it comes to uploading pictures to our blog, hence the lack of pictures. I’m still trying to figure out how to use the iPhoto application to upload pics in an efficient manner. Uploading each one by one is a little painful. Over 500 digital images are trapped in our camera waiting to be revealed. I will give them a chance, don’t worry.

In the meantime, here’s a quick update in the life of the FourTrans:

-Justin’s teeth are finally coming in! First the right bottom, now the left. So cute! Lucky for us and him he did not experience any symptoms of teething pain. I was just beginning to believe that his smile would be forever gummy (seriously!).

-Justin had his first birthday party with over 150 attendees with a King of the Jungle Safari theme. It was awesome. Justin also had two heart friends there.

-We experienced our first “vacation” together as a family of four at Disneyland and San Diego for 5 days.

-Upon our arrival home, Nathan got sick and experienced some asthmatic symptoms for several days. We gave him inhaler treatments. He still has a runny/stuffy nose, but has improved.

-That week was spent gathering ideas and materials for his CARS themed party, as his party was scheduled to be that coming Sunday. I hit up Target and Michaels for inspiration and returned home with awesome party favors/activities. We ordered a jumper, ice cone machine, cake, and food.

-Friday, 8/8/08 was the opening ceremony of the 2008 Olympics in China, which we all gathered around the TV for. More importantly, we celebrated Justin’s official birthday with a gathering of family, cake, a birthday song, and presents.

-Sunday was Nathan’s turn to party (for his birthday)! It was mayhem, but I think kids like that sort of chaos where they’re allowed to run around and be free. The jump house was the hit of the party. Justin slept through most of it.

I will post pictures when I have more than 10 minutes of free time. The kids like to keep me busy. Boys!

He made it! Today at 0308 marks the first year since Justin’s birth. Loi and I just sang the birthday song to him, and, now, he’s asleep on our bed.

To him, it’s just another day. To us, it’s a wonderment.

But, today, like any other day, we worry. This morning, he was fussier than usual, sweating a little during one of his naps. His eyes also looked a little puffier. After his lunch of winter squash and a warm bath with a bathtub of balls and squishy animals, he’s back to his usual self–smiling and happy. Relief.  If he continues to be fussy, I think I might call his cardiologist.

His (as well as Nathan’s) well-check is scheduled for next Friday. Can’t wait to see how he’s grown.

Thanks for checking in. And, if you can, whisper a “Happy Birthday!” to Justin.

Allow me to remind myself: this is a child’s birthday party. A scrumptious, chubby-cheeked, sunshine-faced of a child. But, this is a child, nonetheless, that I’m throwing a party for. Not a bride or groom.

It’s almost 11PM, and I’m sitting here with some party anxiety. My list of things-to-do has been checked and rechecked. My vision of the most imaginative and personal King of the Jungle Safari themed first birthday is materializing. I just hope everyone will enjoy themselves.

Bags of activities, party favors, and scrapbooking supplies are sitting by the door waiting to be loaded into the car to be transported to the banquet center. The items on my list that have been outsourced are at partial completion, and are promised to be done by tomorrow 9AM. Excited for such a, uh, grand event–it’s Justin’s 1st birthday party!!!–but, nervous. I just want everything to be right.

Stay tuned for pictures!

OK, how did this happen? How did Loi turn 30?!?!?! That means I’ll be 30, soon. Can’t believe how quickly time flies.

Loi’s younger sister and I threw a “surprise” bash for him this past Friday, that turned out to be not so “Surprise!” after all. One of his friends accidentally slipped when he called our house to talk to me, but got Loi on the phone instead (friend later confessed that he had “failed the mission”). All week, Loi pretended not to know, but I knew he knew because I found the e-vite to his party on my email had been opened (not by me). Regardless, I continued about with the food ordering, and pretended that I didn’t know that he knew. Exhausting, right?

Come the day of, I was totally unprepared. I couldn’t figure a way to leave the house without abandoning him with the 2 boys and their neediness (Nathan wanted to be played with, Justin needed to be fed, bathed, etc…typical day). He also had to work from home. Finally, close to 3PM, as Nathan was going down for his nap, I started acting exhausted, like I needed to get out of the house STAT before I’d go CRAZY, told him I needed to go shopping as a relief. Without any hesitation, he let me go. Donned with disheveled hair and Justin’s leftover pureed sweet potatoes on my dress, I grabbed my purse and made a run for it.

Of course, 3PM on a Friday is rush hour traffic time. Perfect. I had two stops to make and needed to report back to party central by at least 5PM to set up the birthday banner, decorations, tables, and chairs. Not to mention, I had some items on the menu that still needed preparation. I did not get to party central until 5:30PM. By the time I carried the food in from the car (with the help of our wonderful nephew. Hi, Andrew!), it was already 5:45PM. The phone started ringing. Guests were showing up at the gate. Crap. I am the worst party planner ever!, I thought to myself. I can plan parties for hundreds of people, but not for my one husband’s 30th birthday.

The bright side was there were actually going to be people at this party (yes! I got one thing right.). Initially to help with the set-up, but they later were allowed to join in the fun, too! The early birds were assigned tasks such as setting up the tables and fold out chairs, putting up the banner/decor, making an ice run (thanks Rusty, Randy, Tom, Anh, Joe, Bailey, Timmy, Leanne, Phuoc, Johnna…did I miss anyone?). Organized, right? As I realized there were many hands on board to assist, I left to pick up Loi from our house.

Got home and no one was ready…burned another 20 minutes packing the diaper bag and dressing the kids before we were all actually loaded into the car to go.

“Where are you?,” texted his younger sister. “Almost here?”

30 minutes later, which would make a total of 80 minutes since I left party central to pick up Loi, we made it through the gate leading to party central. His friends’ familiar cars gave it away, though, as we drove down the street. He called me out, at which point, I still continued to pretend like I didn’t know what the heck he was talking about.

As we entered through the front doors, there stood his crew of people who hollered, “SURPRISE!” Good times.

Loi was actually surprised. He did not expect the party to be held at party central, but at our house. He also did not expect as many people to show up.

The remainder of the evening was spent with semi cold food (as we were missing parts for the food warmers, so we didn’t keep the food warm. Outside. At night.), drinks (all prepared for that! Makes everything all better), conversation, and some friendly banter.

The most memorable moment of the night for Loi? His 15 year nephew DJ’ing for him. That made him feel old. He told me that he used to do that. Time flies!

Happy birthday, Babe!