Home of the Four Trans

I struggle to make each post meaningful while maintaining the privacy of my family, especially my children’s. Finding that balance is difficult since when speaking about my children, I will inevitably expose their privacy.

The blog began as a tool of communication to the physical world about CHD and the triumph that may result from it–when I started, I didn’t quite see otherwise. I thought in this world and age, many CHDers made it to at least 40. When our journey began beyond the womb, I realized how much devastation and loss can actually result from CHD–I learned from support groups and blogs. So, I blogged with words that bled from my heart, stopping short of nothing because who could think of tomorrow when today was the end? Then, I realized other people who were not my family and friends were reading, and I got scared, and closed up a bit, stopped writing for bouts of times, even. Our privacy is important. But, I kept writing with a goal in mind and that is to spread awareness, or perhaps provide hope to others who had an ailing child with CHD.

But, that is not a reason strong enough to keep on going. I am a private person, and I think it is unfair of me to expose my children to the www without their consent. I’ve thought for a long time of how the information I share to the world will affect them in their young manhood or adulthood. After reading an article today from an adult CHD survivor, I made the decision to stop blogging about my children and Justin’s surgeries and life. I will eventually take this chapter of our lives down. I may turn Fourtran into a place for me, just me, and as much as I’m comfortable to share.

Thank you for reading and following our story. You’ll undoubtedly see me around the www.

Not from me nor Nathan, but from Justin! Today, while in a parent discussion at Nathan’s School Readiness Program, Justin was going on and on in his own language while the speaker was explaining to us parents about nutrition and health. I was quite embarrassed.

“Mommy, no!” (for random effect)

“Mommy, milk!” (because he wanted the milk that I didn’t bring in)

“Owwie!” (because I made him sit when he wanted to be on the ground)

“Book!” (wanted to read a book that was not ours)

“Nose. Owwie nose!” (sneezed and had boogies)

“Shoe!” (wanted to touch the innocent man’s shoe)

“Uh-oh!” (dropped his pen for the millionth time)

He’d also randomly tell me, “I uv ooo (I love you).”

The more I told him to “shh” the louder he got.

When I tried to distract him with something, he’d only talk louder about whatever it was I was trying to show him.

I was not used to this active, loud, and verbose Justin. He’s usually content in my arms or drawing on a piece of paper. Not today! I suppose I should have tried to walk out, but whenever I prepared to, he became calm, so I never did. It only started up again when I settled in. At the end of the session, I had to apologize to the ten parents who were there. They kindly told me to not worry about it because they know how it’s like with younger children. However, to make matters worse, there was another 2.5 year old girl there who sat like a perfect princess in her mother’s lap. Where did that version of Justin go when I needed him?

The speaker, also the school nurse, kindly took Justin from my arms at the end of the parent discussion so that I could finish filling out the paper work in peace. Of course, only then, did Justin become silent. The nurse asked him, “What happened? I know you have a voice. I heard you yammering away for an hour.” Yeah, exactly.

Aside from this embarrassing episode, we are proud of Justin’s new expressive language skills. He’s able to communicate better with words, although his annunciation still needs work. He is getting better at imitating, also, which is real fun; especially when he’s mimicking his older brother. Keep up the good work, bud!

I never thought the day would come, but for the past month and a half, Justin’s been taking many, many steps. He’s working towards becoming an independent walker, and we are all so excited! He started with just three steps, which quickly became seven, now lots! He’s even brave enough to stand up on his own and walk without anyone on the other end to catch him. This is scary for me because, now, I have to keep an even closer eye on him. For instance, I can’t run to the kitchen to get his milk while he’s sitting in the living room.

Justin is very proud of his newfound skill. During circle time at school, he pushes himself up to standing using his booster seat, walks up to the teacher when she calls his name to pick up his picture card, all unassisted and with a big smile on his face! Even his teachers and therapists are amazed by the progress he’s made!

Nathan is also very proud of his little brother. He makes a grand announcement every time Justin lets go of a piece of furniture to walk, or when he falls down correctly instead of crashing into something. Nathan always says, “I taught him to walk!” Well, he’s close to the truth since he’s the greatest motivator for Justin.

Justin is getting noticeably stronger since I am able to walk him without him getting wobbly on me. He’s able to maintain is balance and turn his body toward the direction that he wants to go. We’re hoping within the next couple of months, he’ll be doing it without any assistance. Oh, how exciting that would be!

Lunar New Year happened to fall on Valentine’s Day this year which made celebrating both holidays even more eventful. Not only did Loi and I have to prepare for the New Year by doing the traditional cleaning, hair cutting, gift buying, house decorating, and red envelope stuffing, we also had to squeeze in a bit of Valentine love for our boys and ourselves.

I’m a traditional type of girl so I try to instill what I know of our cultural traditions in the boys as well.  I made sure to buy the festive yellow cherry blossoms and yellow mums to decorate the house with, and adorned those with red li xi bags. I wrapped gifts for each of my boys with red cellophane to signify “good luck” (though I don’t believe in it. It’s become more of a tradition); Nathan got a box of Oreos, Yan-Yan cookies, strawberry candy, and chocolate filled panda shaped cookies; Justin’s bag was filled with the same, except for the Oreos he received peachy gummies. I think the boys got more sweets from me than they’ve eaten in their lifetime! But, they enjoyed opening their gifts, though they did not eat all its contents. Loi’s bag was filled with melon seeds, dried squid, and cuttlefish (we don’t usually snack on these, so it was a treat!).

My favorite part of Lunar New Year is dressing my kids in the traditional Chinese and/or Vietnamese clothing. They always look so handsome and fancy in it. We took their annual New Year photo to share with family and friends.

On the morning of February 14th, I woke up early to make the boys’ Valentine cards, breakfast, and cupcakes. I had slow cooked cranberry and blueberry oatmeal (inspired by Jamba Juice’s recipe) the night before, also. When they woke up, I allowed them to open their presents and read their cards while Loi snapped away. The boys then had their meal of pancakes while Loi and I had oatmeal and eggs– simple but satisfying. After breakfast, we all played a few games of the lucky crab game. Justin’s favorite item to bet on was the crab. He was quite the gambler and even bet all his money on the crab at once several times throughout the game. Of course, he wasn’t fortunate enough to win, so Loi (the dealer) gave him some money to continue playing. Nathan didn’t have a technique, but bet randomly, and seemed to do well. He really enjoyed the game!

After our morning festivities, we all got dressed to visit my Grandma for our annual party at my uncle’s house.

This year, many of our extended family attended; cousins, aunts, and uncles that I hadn’t seen for years were there. The kids played fooseball, Justin showed off his walking, I talked with my cousins, we ate a ton of food. The purpose of the celebration, though, was for my grandma. Each of her children with their families wished my Grandma a prosperous New Year and gave her their blessings. She had seven of her children there and one godchild plus all their families. It was a full house! The highlight of the day for the children was receiving li xi, red bags filled with money. Both Nathan and Justin enjoyed collecting, then gave it all to me because they weren’t sure what to do with it afterwards. Nathan was excited with the fact that he had a lot of money so as to buy more toys with!

The festivities continued until Monday with Loi’s family. We had a family meal consisting of the traditional lucky pork leg and many other items. The children received li xi. I allowed Nathan to use one of his li xi of five dollars to buy a toy at Rite Aid after dinner; he bought two hot wheels of course, and still had “lots of money” leftover, like 1 dollar and some cents.

As it goes every year, the children learn more and more about the traditions and learn to appreciate and understand it, which in turn allow them to enjoy it. Putting on the outfits is not something Mommy makes them do, but something they like to do; I think they like showing off their cuteness. Going to my Grandma’s house and wishing her well has always been a tradition since I was a kid, but with her growing older, it will not be a growing tradition for my kids. However, I’m grateful for the fact that they are able to meet and know her as they have.

Happy New Year, my friends and family!

Nathan is only 4.5 years old, but in 6 months he’ll be an official Kindergartner! I still vividly remember the day when Loi and I spoke of how old we’d feel when we’d have a child in Kindergarten–and that was when Nathan was only a mere month old! The day will soon come, but the process begins now (only to better remind me of the little time I have left with my preschooler! **crying inside**).

We just attended a School Readiness info session about the kindergarten programs in our school district. The curriculum has definitely become more academically rigorous where children are expected to reach a certain level of literacy and math level by the end of the school year; 2/3 of the day’s program is focused on reading and writing; they do a lot of journal writing, how cool is that?!?! I appreciate how the class is broken down into smaller groups by skill level so that the children are working with the support of peers and teachers best matched for them. They also have physical/life/earth/health science, social sciences, art, and music integrated into the curriculum. I found the program to be well rounded.

By March, I need to have together his paper work, medical records, screenings, and etc. to enroll him in school. We’ll then attend the school’s orientation and open house. By September, he should be a full fledged public school going boy! Then, the fun begins: back to school shopping for supplies, parent volunteering, PTA meetings. With the school allowing many opportunities for parent involvement, I’ll be able to continue my active role in Nathan’s academic life, which I find crucial at any age but especially important during these formative years.

He’s grown a lot in this last year not only on an academic level, but also on a social level; he’s able to regulate his feelings better and is more outgoing in new environments. Based on what I see in my son, I do feel that he’s ready for Kindergarten. I’ve also enrolled him in our local School Readiness Program to introduce him to the type of environment he’ll be in when the school year begins to hopefully ensure a smooth transition.

My boy is growing up!

Two days a week, Nathan also attends a preschool program at Justin’s school where he acts as a model typical child for other children to learn from. Today, one of his teachers came up to me during Justin’s snack time to tell me how “precious” and “kind” Nathan is. At first, I thought, “My Nathan? The one who fights with his brother and sometimes has a hard time sharing?” The teacher went on to explain how he enjoys helping her help the other children. He also shares well with the other children and even shared a part of his snack with her. She said the way he talks is just too precious (I absolutely know what she means by this–he’s quite the articulate talker). She also reported that Nathan talked about his baby brother. That, I already knew. Nathan is very proud and protective of his baby brother and always makes sure that those around him know this. This moment with his teacher made my day that much sweeter knowing that my son is not only brilliant, but so kind and sweet.

Watch out, world. Nathan is coming.