Home of the Four Trans

Life in the Tran household has been quite hectic since the holiday season began back in November. Now, with the celebration of the Chinese New Year behind us (January 25, 2009), we can rest easy knowing that the holiday season is officially over…and finally, get back into some sort of routine…and, some blogging.

I know all that are still checking in are wondering how my boys are doing. The update of how they spent their holiday will come in the form of pictures.

I’ve also been postponing posting updates because I just wanted to enjoy what we had with the boys while we had it. This may be an irrational fear that has arisen from my undiagnosed post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD–after enduring and witnessing all that I have with Justin and his surgeries), but I am afraid to speak of any good in fear of something bad happening. So, I just let it be.

Justin had his neurology and orthopedic appointments since the last time I posted. There’s nothing new to report there: his right foot is still in pronation, and his right hand and arm still need much therapy to improve. He is continuing his occupational and physical therapy 3 times a week. Starting this week, he is also receiving infant stim from the Regional Center of Orange County to learn some cognitive and social skills. It’s been a year since he’s had the stroke, and at times, I do feel discouraged that he has not made as much improvement as we had hoped. But, although subtle, the progress is there.

Justin also celebrated several anniversaries in January: January 9 is the anniversary of the day his heart unexpectedly stopped in the hospital, one day post heart catheterization. January 16 is the anniversary of his second heart surgery, the bi-directional Glenn. On both of these days, we did mini parties for him, and he loved the attention.

Nathan continues to challenge me, Loi, and our patience to the max. Sometimes we’ll get to experience some of his cute little boy innocence when he asks us questions about the world around him. Most of the time, though, there’s a lot of resistance on his part in doing what is expected of him. I’m beginning to see how he is more like his father each and every day…resisting authority!! You know it’s true, Hon.

There have been days (like last week) where Nathan has driven me to the brink of insanity. I mean insanity. Wouldn’t go to school even if we dragged him, refused to get in and out of the car (made me sit in the parking lot for 45 minutes with Justin in my lap because he wanted to sit in Justin’s car seat), and refused to speak when asked to greet people.

On days like those, I wonder what the heck I’m doing wrong. I was even driven to start drinking…well, almost. It had been 5 years since I’ve actually drank alcohol. The days of downing tequila shots with licks of lime and salt off the back of my hand were over since I decided on a random day back in 2003 that I didn’t want to kill any of my brain cells that way.

Well, I really needed a quick relaxant on this particular day. Of course, being the responsible parent that I am, I told Loi my plans first, and waited for him to get home before opening a 2006 bottle of merlot (rich in flavonoids, good for the cardiovascular system. See? I’m responsible). I poured it into a tall water glass, swished it a few times, and took a pecker sip. Um, yuck. It was alcohol, and I do not like the taste of alcohol. I tried to convince that I needed this, but I couldn’t get past the taste. I really wished I could have. But, after the 5th sip, I gave up.

Loi laughed as I poured myself that glass of wine because it was so entirely not me to drown my sorrows in something like alcohol.

I still haven’t figured out how to find any “me” time, yet. There are things I would love to do like hit the gym and lift some weights (total endorphin inducer), write, go on a weekend getaway sans kids, read, dance…but, by the time the kids are in bed, I am exhausted. All I want to do is something mindless like watching a show on Hulu.

My energy level is not what is was 6 months ago…I’m losing my stamina…could it be because I have a little more than a year before turning 30?!?!?

Okay, enough about me. Truth is, I just need to find my center.

Moving on…

Loi is busy as usual working 6-7 days a week with his “day job,” and our little side business. But, he always tries his best to alleviate my stresses. He’ll cook dinner when I just want to throw myself under the covers like the day never happened, he’ll prepare the children’s lunches, he’ll help clean, and he approved of me going to New York on my own for my birthday. Yay!

Yes, I can be the most terrible mother and wife, and almost undeserving. But, I know how truly blessed I am to be surrounded by the most wonderful people.

Thanks for checking in. Happy New Year!