Home of the Four Trans

This is the second day in months that I’ve had both my kids home with me with nothing major on our agenda to do. Nathan and Justin are both on winter break from school and therapy, respectively. Both are relatively healthy enough to have some uninterrupted play with each other on the ground…with their cars. They had a full day together yesterday with some bickering about whose car is whose. Don’t let Justin’s sweet face fool you–he can be quite feisty. You’ll see him scrunch his face up, and grind his teeth like he’s determined to get what he wants to get from big brother, and nothing’s gonna stop him. He’ll keep rolling, combat crawling, and reaching with his good left arm toward the object he’d like to own, even as his brother tries to move the objects as far away as possible from him. There is a breaking point for Nathan, though, a time when he no longer feels it’s fair that he must defend his toys. This is when things start getting physical. Sometimes, Nathan will hold his hand out against Justin’s forehead so that he could come no closer. Other times, Nathan will use his whole body as a human road block so that Justin would not get past towards the toys. But, Justin does not allow this to deter him from his goal. He’s learned to crawl over and around his brother’s blockages–he’s learned to create detours, if you will. When all else fails, though, Justin will cry in hopes of me coming to the rescue. How I deal with it depends on the source of the problem. Did Nathan take away one of Justin’s toys? Or, is Justin just being a little tyrant? But, this is besides the point of this story.

So, they fight and bicker as little brothers do. But, today, I witnessed the sweetest thing I never expected my firstborn to do. He fed his little brother. They were sitting side by side in their double stroller en route to the local Pavilions for our weekly groceries. Nathan had packed himself a canister of Gerber’s Cheese Puffs. As he pulled one of those puffed crackers out, Justin started whining for some. While pushing the stroller, I asked Nathan if he could share one with Justin. Because Justin was bundled up in layers, he was a little stiff and could not move his left arm over to reach for the cracker. So, Nathan started feeding him.

“Look, Mommy,” Nathan says. “Justin is a bird!”

Of course, I stopped to look and found that Nathan was right. Justin was like a baby bird receiving a worm from his mother’s beak. So cute!

On the way home from the market, Justin started fussing for some milk. Realizing how successful his attempt was the first time, Nathan tried to hush Justin by popping another cracker into his mouth.

“Look, Mommy,” Nathan says. “Justin is a snowman!”

To this, I had a little chuckle. Nathan was right. The cracker was sticking out of Justin’s mouth like the carrot of a snowman’s nose. Again, so cute!

Moments like this remind me of how blessed I am to be allowed my time with my children. I am allowed to witness how they grow and interact and interpret the world.

Nathan is beginning to assume the role of big brother, now. He wants to be a “big boy”, and is showing us that he is capable of this responsiblity. I am so very proud of him.

The days have been full with my boys and I bounding from one event to the next, quick in our step, sure in ways.

Nathan, after three months in school, has grown into his own. He is much more confident, now. In fact, he has joined “circle time,” a social activity, with the rest of his classmates. He’s also transitioned to a full day program which lasts until 3pm. Every day, when I pick him up from school, he greets me with some sort of project in his hand, one that he had made especially for me. Usually, it is some sort of creative art project or botany book he’s made. He speaks of his classmates, and his friends issues (and, so it begins), and tells me how much he likes school.

Justin, after 8 months of therapy, is beginning to show major progress in his right arm and hand. He now knows how to knock over blocks, spin a wheel toy, and roll a toy car with his right side. He’s also showing improvement in his gross motor skills as he combat crawls (in his own left-dominant way), and stands and takes steps more often (although his right ankle is still pronating, which makes it difficult for him to stand upright very well on his own). He’s also emulating sounds that we make like when we count. Most of the time, he’s just babbling in his own language. As for his physical health, he’s grown about 2.5 inches in the last month, after about 8 months of no growth.

For those who are kind enough to ask us about our little boys, and about Justin and his progress, I tell them they are doing fine. I recite the points of progress my boys have made. I tell them, “Yes, they’re good.”

Here I am, three days before Christmas Eve of 2008, having enjoyed many endeavors that seemed nearly impossible last year, and still, almost afraid to proclaim my joy in all that my family and I have been allowed this season. We’ve braved the malls together, studied the towering Christmas trees with their sparkling twinkle lights and ornaments. Justin and I shared a cheesecake. Nathan had his first movie theater experience with Loi. We’ve been to restaurants, weddings, and parties.

I feel selfish for not claiming how happy I am when others are struggling to put food on the table, and providing the necessities for their children this year; when others may not have their children with them, and I do.

I suppose this is one of the hazards of having a child with a health condition that places such uncertainty in our lives. Well, it is for me, anyway. It’s like I’m still afraid to rejoice in fear of something…happening. Hana kara, I think it is. So, I keep to myself, and get upset when Loi starts getting excited about anything.

Take it as it comes, one day at a time. Breathe in, breathe out. Just keep breathing…

And, I pray to remind myself to be thankful, and to maintain my belief in miracles (that do happen!).

Thank you for checking up on us. We wish you all a Merry Christmas, and may peace be with you.