Disciplining Nathan: Installment 2
Saturday, October 25th, 2008Check out Disciplining Nathan: Installment 1 here.
The boys have been keeping me so busy, I don’t get a chance to update as often as I’d like.
They actually keep me so busy that sometimes I’d rush out of the house with food stains on my clothes, hair in disarray, and shoes that don’t necessarily match my outfit. But, I could care less! Getting out the door is my main goal.
Timing is everything around here. If I don’t get the boys out of the house during that sliver of a window when they’re both in high spirits, then I can just forget about it.
It’s funny because there are days that are better than others. But, when it’s bad, it’s so obvious. I was at the park earlier this week, sitting on the bench with Justin on my lap while watching Nathan climb up a wall of faux rocks. A grandmother of the child Nathan was playing with took one look at me and my mess and commented, “Having two boys must be tough, huh?”
I guess I really looked like crap!
While at a baby shower, I was discussing disciplining techniques with a friend who has a 5 year old boy. I was in dire need of some advice on handling Nathan (more on that in a minute). Another friend overheard our stories about our boys, and asked, “Is [having boys] really that bad?”
I’ll let you be the judge.
While I agree that children’s temperaments vary, I also find through observation and talking with other moms that young boys can be a bit more challenging to discipline.
Boys tend to express themselves through physical action. Girls would talk or cry.
Case in point: We go to Babies R Us to shop for a baby shower gift. He finds a toy as tall as he, and as heavy as his baby brother. The double stroller I was pushing clearly did not have enough room in it for his wanted toy. I told him that we would not be buying it. He retorted with, “Yes. we. are.” Then, proceeded to drag the box throughout the store, backwards, with two arms, for the remainder of our trip. I was so afraid of a meltdown, I called my sister who lives 5 minutes away for some backup. I don’t know how I did it, but I was able to coax him to leave it behind without my sister having to come. In the end, he agreed to come back for it. Phew!
My niece, who is Nathan’s age, on the other hand, could whine for hours about a toy if she didn’t get it, even after leaving the store. With Nathan, things have to be resolved in the store, or he’d walk out with it.
What wears me out the most is that Nathan can also get pretty aggressive.
Case and point: Nathan notices I’m playing a game of peek-a-boo with Justin. But, he wants my attention to himself. He’ll do one of 2 things:
- Come up from behind me, wrap his arms around my neck, and put all his weight on my back, making me fall over. This is to show me how much he loves me, and to show Justin how much I’m Nathan’s Mommy.
- Do a run-by attack on Justin: push him down, throw a toy in his face, whack him on the head, jump on him.
Overall, there is a lot of screaming, yelling, and defiant behavior. Everything must be done his way.
His tantrums can stem from something as ridiculous as me allowing him only 2 crackers instead of 3, to something as serious as not wanting to sit down at the table to eat his food. He’ll actually start throwing his food on the ground.
How we discipline him:
1. Warning: We’ll give him to the count of three to do as we ask. If he does not comply, we
2. Send him to his room (we tried the corner, did not work). I hold the door handle to his room from the outside. He yells and screams from inside, trying to get out. After 2 minutes, I come in to ask him if he’s ready to calm down and talk. If not, I continue to leave every 1 minute until he’s willing to calm down.
3. Once he calms down, we ask him to describe what he did wrong. Then, apologize to the person he did wrong to.
Part 2 of this discipling technique is the most grueling because not only I, but the rest of the household must listen to him yell and scream.
Last week, something came over him, and this technique did not work. He yelled and screamed for at least 30 minutes, and Loi was fed up. I deliberately ignored the entire ordeal as I made dinner. My sister’s boyfriend was out in the garage and heard the whole thing. He later told my sister that it must have lasted for 2 hours. That was how bad it was. I eventually had to step in. He calmed down, apologized to Loi, agreed to eat his dinner. We walked away for a few minutes, came back, and this is what we found:
The next day was just as bad, only I didn’t have Loi to fall back on because he was at work. The persistent yelling and screaming had me wanting to pick up and leave to somewhere far away so I wouldn’t have to hear it!
That night, I had had it! He had woken up yelling and screaming at 2AM because he wanted to watch TV. Loi and I gave him a warning to calm down, and go back to sleep. He only screamed louder. So, we just did it; Loi unplugged and removed our only TV from the house.
Soon, IT stopped. He got the message that we were not kidding around. Since then, we’ve had more peaceful nights, better mornings, and calmer temperaments. Still, no TV. And, I think I’ll keep it that way for awhile. There’s always www.hulu.com.
This is not to say we still don’t have moments such as this:
He flooded the restroom by using a plastic Easter basket to pour water out of the tub…repeatedly.
Nathan’s boyish behavior can really send me over the edge on days. I’m lucky to have my brother and sisters nearby to relieve me of some of the boy duties when it gets to be too much for me. All I have to do is call them (thanks, guys!)
I also try to remind myself to breathe because sometimes, I just gotta ride the storm.
