Help?
Tuesday, July 1st, 2008
”What is Mama stressing about? Look at this face!”
Can’t sleep…
For the past several weeks, I’ve been up to about 3AM every morning. The only reason why I turn in is because I know I’ll need energy for the next day.There’s too much to do, yet never enough time to accomplish it all.
Across our dining room floor next to our little office niche are scattered mini piles of insurance papers and medical notes. I am in the process of organizing the endless mail we’ve been receiving since Justin’s first surgery back in August 2007. As we got caught up in the whirlwind of the first open heart surgery, then the moving, then the feeding issues leading up to the cath and second heart surgery, then moving, again, I never had quite any down time to organize everything. I’ve been stuffing these letters in bins labeled “Insurance” and “Bills”.
The mess on the dining room floor has lived here since yesterday. I look at it, knowing that I should work on it, but I’m procrastinating because it’s just too overwhelming. I wonder how other families keep up with this stuff.
If I could afford it, I’d hire myself an assistant. Stay at home moms need it. Parents of special needs children need it. There’s only so many hours in a work day for phone calls to be made–to research schools, follow up with insurance and bills, order meds, and therapy supplies (I still need to order Justin’s splint and peanut ball). But those must be put aside while the children are awake so that I can concentrate on working on feeding and playing with them. Being there for them and with them is always my first priority. I must concentrate on working with Justin and his physical mobility and stretching. I must deal with Nathan when he starts scratching or gets tired and restless. Sprinkle doctors’ and therapy appointments in here and there and before I know it it’s bedtime.
As the boys finally fall asleep, I do my cleaning–in the kitchen, living room, dining room, everywhere–knowing that by breakfast tomorrow, the mess returns. Sigh.
Then, there’s the emergency kit I’m still trying to physically put together (deciding how to be prepared with Justin’s meds in case disaster strikes). The Lake Tahoe trip we’re taking with Loi’s entire extended family at the end of the month to plan (need to order oxygen tank, plan route and stops). Justin’s first birthday party plans (the invitations are done! Labels are in the making). Loi’s (turning the big 3-0) and Nathan’s (turning the big 3) birthday party plans.
I haven’t even visited my Grandma in over a month!
This all reminds me of an econ paper I wrote as an undergrad titled, “24 hours is not enough: balancing women’s many roles” or something like that. I either need more time or more hands. I’m getting freakin’ overwhelmed. I’m not complaining…love my kids…glad they’re “healthy” and not in the hospital…but, I’m human and I need help.
Ideas?
