Justin’s baby book
“What did you say, Gong Gong?”
“That was hilarious!”
“I want to do it again!”
And its lack thereof.
We were at Babies R’ Us today per Nathan’s request. He was looking for a present for himself. But, along the way, he found something for Justin, too–a multi sport balled musical mobile. Justin’s a little too old for that, so we had to put it back. After 30 minutes of searching and debating between the Chocolate Percy train DVD or the Sounds Trains Make DVD, we ended up with nothing and headed over to Target instead. But, I digress.
Justin’s baby book. While I was there, I also perused through the aisles in search of an animal themed blanket/comforter. None really fit my taste. Or, if it did, I had to buy the whole set, bumper, sheets, everything for 80 bucks. No thanks! I came across many other cute animal themed baby things such as lamps, baskets, picture frames, toys, calendars…baby books.
It suddenly hit me that Justin is one month shy of 1 year old and I have not updated his book since, uh, I don’t know when! A little freaked, I brought this to the attention of Loi.
“You blog for him,” he responded. “That’s just a more tech-y version.”
Hmmm….I thought about it. Nice reasoning, but not really. I haven’t recorded his milestones and the dates he’d achieved them–sitting, rolling, ahhing, reaching, smiling, responding to his name, recognizing familiar voices. Maybe there are more, but I haven’t really thought about it. It’s not that I don’t care–I call to tell the world when he’s done something great such as voluntarily moving his right hand to feel pinto beans for the first time. I just haven’t thought about recording it…until now.
I did it for Nathan, why not Justin? I’ve been too busy recording doctor’s appointments, surgery dates, medical notes, my notes on his medical condition, calls to to the Regional Center of Orange County and California Children’s Services, insurance bills, medical bills, etc., that I haven’t really carved a piece of time or energy to create a nice keepsake for little Justin. As I type this, I wonder if I had made a mistake in not recording this info because his neurologist may be interested in knowing his progress at our next checkup 4 months from now.
Everything I do from day to day with my little Justin is for mere practicality, thinking of how I can better prepare for his physical health today, tomorrow, the future. The baby book is just fluff that will end up in storage…Or, so was that mind-set of the past of mine. Do I really want my child (or myself) to look back at his childhood as all work and no play? Do I want medical records and notes to define the life that I had/have with him?
We share many beautiful moments every day. Today: I loved the way he grabbed my hair and pulled my head to his mouth to eat my face after being handed back to Mama by Physical Therapist. He cracked me up this morning when he demonstrated how he can recognize familiar voices and faces, now. Just when he heard from his bedroom Nathan’s tutor greeting Nathan with, “Hiiiiii, Nathan,” at the front door, he “ahhhhhhh” really loud. When I went in to pick him up, he kicked his legs wildly, batting his arms up and down, with an intent smile on his face. When he saw the tutor, he kicked and bounced in my arm while batting his (good) left arm, and scrunched his little face into a wrinkled, toothless grin. Playing the clapping game is his favorite game–the knows that at the end of the song I would bring his arms up and pat his hands on his head. He excitedly brings his left arm and hand up to his head right before I finish the song.
He has some amazing traits other than his half functioning heart: In physical therapy, he cannot seem to concentrate when there are other patients around him–he loves observing and socializing. He smiles and ahhs at other people when they don’t pay attention to him…but, they eventually do because he is so freakin’ cute. He smiles all the time, at almost everybody. He lights up the room. He loves to grab things, anything, especially Mama’s spoon and food. He rotates his wrist from side to side, back and forth, with an object in his hand to observe it. He knows how to hide toys from his big brother: Nathan coming? Must bring toy to side, underneath high chair tray. Otherwise, risk losing toy.
What else will he or I be missing/forgetting in the future of this beautiful little boy’s life because I forgot to capture it–on note, photo, or film? No use looking back at this point. It’s only been a year, and there will be many more (I hope) to come. The beginning of Justin’s baby book is the beginning of another chapter in our lives, one filled with more joy than angst…
July 11th, 2008 at 8:26 am
Ahhh yes. It sounds to me like you are experiencing what lots of parents do. It seems to become harder to keep track of everything the more faces join the family dinner table. I can only imagine how it must feel, but I know it happens. Case in point: I have 3 photo albums from my childhood. My middle sister has 2. My baby sister has 1. I am quite certain it doesn’t mean our parents cared any less for my sisters than they did for me… they were just busier, which can’t be avoided at some level. I think all you can ever do is the best you can manage… and being there for all of those moments is infinitely more valuable than remembering to write them down. Besides, like Loi, perhaps, I happen to think the blog is a very special gift for him, whether or not it is as tangible as the pages of a book.
Nikki
July 16th, 2008 at 8:57 am
Sounds very familiar! Too much other stuff going on and then time slips away. I loved your list of things Justin is doing now. Maybe just try writing about that on here once/week. It will be fun to come back later and read those.
About your other post, I like the t-shirt idea. Make Justin a shirt that says, “Wash your hands first, please!”