Disciplining Nathan: Installment 1
The weekend was filled with “I hate you, Papa/Mama.” Ahhhh!
Loi’s solution: every time Nathan uses that word, he would get one of his beloved CARS toys taken away.
L: Nathan, it’s time to eat cereal.
N: I don’t want cereal.
L: Nathan, you need to eat breakfast.
N: (whining) I don’t want to eat. I hate you, Papa!
L: What did Papa say about using that word?
N: I hate you, Papa!
L: This is a warning. If you say that word one more time, I’m going to start taking your CARS away. You will not get it back for 1 week.
N: I hate you, Papa!
Loi picks up a car from Nathan’s bedroom floor and stashes it away in a high kitchen cabinet where all his other toys go when their taken away.
N: I hate you, Papa!
Loi stashes away another car.
N: (quietly, in a normal speaking voice) I hate you, Papa.
Loi walks to his room to find another CAR. Nathan follows. Loi stashes the CAR.
N: (quietly, in normal speaking voice) I hate you, Papa.
Loi walks to his room to find another CAR. Nathan follows.
N: You find Boost (one of his CAR’s names)?
Loi stashes the CAR
N: I hate you, Papa.
Fifteen minutes passed before Nathan finally let this hate you business up and agreed to eat a pasta and vegetable noodle soup I made for him. The remainder of the day was peaceful and tolerable.
That night, while my sister was over, she noticed Nathan sliding his CARS underneath his mattress.
“I think Nathan is finding a way to keep Loi from taking away his CARs,” she told me while laughing.
“It’s not funny!,” Nathan yelled from his room.
Oi!
Sunday morning, as Loi was attempting to put Nathan back to sleep after his 5AM restroom break, Nathan got frustrated about the fact that he had to be put back to sleep. Loi told me Nathan started to say, “I h…”, but just groaned instead. Loi thinks the CARs taking away thing is working. We’ll see.
While it’s amusing at times to see Nathan rebel, most times Loi and I are worried that his frustration and anger come from something deeper that he’s not telling us. Like the fact that he does not get as much attention from Mommy as he used to now that Justin is around. Or, the fact that we left him all those times while in the hospital with Justin. Although he gets so much attention from his aunts, uncles, and grandparents whom he sees on a regular basis (some everyday, others every week), it seems the only person he really wants attention from is me, his Mommy. I say this because I’ve noticed some key observations:
- the day begins with little struggle and fighting when it’s just me and him and Justin is sleeping
- he watches me while I play with Justin only. I see this from the corner of my eye. He takes notice of when I pay attention only to Justin and not to him. Then, he’ll approach to take away one of Justin’s toys.
Beginning this past weekend, I have put into effect “Mommy and Nathan Day” again where Mommy and Nathan take an outing together once a week sans Papa and Justin. This will allow us bonding time. And, he’ll have my undivided attention. I hope that this will contribute to a happier, better adjusted Nathan.
June 30th, 2008 at 11:19 am
That has to be so difficult! I can’t imagine parenting another child while (and after) going through hospital time, a sick baby, etc.. You two are doing everything you can and it sounds like you’re doing a very good job. Keep it up! He’s not going to want to be without his cars forever!