The leaky seems “a little better”
“Just a little better? Or, better?,” Loi asked when I called to tell him the good news about Justin’s leaky valve.
Even if it’s a little better, it’s better. That’s all I need to know.
“Why is it better?,” asked my younger sister when I told her.
The little voice in my head (yes, I have one. Scary, huh?) kept pressuring me to ask the cardiologist the same question: “Why do you think the leakage has improved? How would you label the severity of the leak?” I looked at him, attempting to concentrate on him saying, “This is very good news. I’m very glad,” while fighting the voice in my head.
I’m sure we all want to know how and why this leak that I was told could never be fixed (but, could be improved after the Glenn) and could only be maintained with medication got “better.”
But, is why the correct question to ask? At this point in my journey, and with all our past experiences with Justin, I’ve come to realize that there is no true explanation for the way things happen the way the do for Justin. Asking why will not help me learn any more information that would allow me to fix his leak. And, if the doctor really knew why, he’d share some of it with me.
The leaky valve has gotten better. That’s all I need to know. That, and my belief in the Lord and his plan. I’ve prayed for that leak, I’ve asked, pleaded even, with the Lord for my child. I truly believe that it is a miraculous, divine intervention that has allowed this to happen. I have to believe that even if the material world may not always work in my favor, according to the way I’d like for it to happen, I must let it be, listen to my inner voice, the Lord, to guide me toward my given path. I must also allow Justin’s path to unfold as it should. Though the reward may not be immediate or even of this world, there is a greater picture, a grander scheme that shall be achieved.
For this moment, the Lord has allowed things in this material world to work in our favor. For that, I am thankful.
June 13th, 2008 at 8:04 am
Don’t worry, I have a little voice in my head, too.
Prayers have been answered! Sometimes it’s hard for me to bite my tongue when I want to ask the WHYs, too. We, too, have learned that there aren’t always answers. So just keep praying! xoxo