Spring Cleaning
As I watched Justin stare into space while sucking on his mid-morning meal, cradled in my arms, looking completely content, I mused about how completely simple it was to be happy.
All my worries and frustrations seemed to melt away at that moment seeing my child in pure bliss. He’s been through 2 open heart surgeries and one major abdominal surgery, spent months tied up to monitors and tubes, been poked and prodded at. Yet, he can be so completely content with just sucking at his bottle and being held by his Mommy.
I wondered why, then, was it just so difficult to actually be happy. To be happy requires so little. To experience sadness or anger would mean having to conjure up the past, or think, or expend unnecessary energy on huffing and puffing…or delving into a deep, deep psychological hole and feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders.
Then, I looked around. Ah, the things! The flatscreen plasma, the scattered toys, the clothes, pictures, letters, magazines…the clutter!
How could I be happy when I constantly complicate my life with these things that I must constantly clean up or worry about. How could I be happy when I have pictures to remind me of the past or real estate magazines describing to me of how much bigger of a home I could be in. How could I be happy if I allow things to overwhelm my very today.
I decided it was time. To clean up. Clear away the past:
-my old clothes that were still in good condition, but I had not worn for years
-Loi’s old clothes including his collection of t-shirts from our dating days 10 years ago (he got a little upset that I gave away a shirt that had some sentimental value to him…I said, let go of the things. They mean nothing! I’m mean, huh?)
-Nathan’s ball collection (which he did not want to part with. I asked him if it was OK to give it to kids who do not have toys because he has a lot of toys. “I need it,” he says. Sigh.)
-our collection of blankets
I gathered everything into white trash bags and dropped it off at the Catholic Worker, a home-based homeless shelter (the founder opened her home up to over 120 homeless people a week).
You know what? It felt good–to clear the area of our things and passing it on to people who needed it more. I’ve adhered some value on everything that I own because it allowed me to transcend to the time or feeling that that thing represents. Or, I would hesitate to part with something because I wondered if it would become useful in the future. So, to pack my things up without a second look and pass it on was a big thing for me.
Things are just that–things. That’s my new motto. Justin, what have you done to your mama? I love you!
April 25th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
Good for you! You have inspired me to do this as well, because it’s been in the back of my mind lately, too. We just looked death in the face, and NOTHING else matters when you realize you’ve defeated death and that you have your family intact. Things are meaningless!
Maybe you could talk to my husband about his gross baseball hat that he never washes and that he’s had for ten years and that I’m pretty sure has a few diseases on it???
April 30th, 2008 at 5:12 pm
HAHA, “I need it”. So Nathan. That made my day. LOL