The Simple Things
A part of me got lost sometime during the past two weeks as I contemplated the many aspects of life. In a way, I guess you could say I got lost in my own thoughts. These thoughts drowned me at moments with hopelessness, anger, and disappointment. In particular, I was irritated by the thoughts of money and wealth and the obsession for materialistic gain and consumption. I wondered how elaborate of a home or flashy of a car would be considered “enough”, how many pairs of designer shoes, True Religion jeans, clothes, Louis Vuitton purses, plasma/LCD screens, things would ever be enough to a person to say, “OK, I’m satisfied now. I’m happy.” Although I’d like to categorize myself separate from those guilty of this gluttony as I have always thought of myself as a “simple” person who did not pay much attention to brands or having things, I wondered if I am much different.After our visit to the pumpkin patch last Friday, Nathan fell fast asleep in the car on our way to our next destination–The Market Place–to buy yet another ball. Instead of turning our 2007 Lexus E350 homeward bound, I decided to keep my promise and headed to the Babies R’ Us there thinking I could get some shopping done while he napped, all the while knowing that I did not have his Bugaboo stroller in the car. Of course I was not planning to carry him for the hour or so that he’s out…I would just buy a new stroller. He has, after all, outgrown the two year old $800 stroller that needed to be passed down to Justin anyway. It was also too much of a hassle to assemble and disassemble every time we went out (which is only once a week), and he really is a big boy now; It’s been good to us the last 2 years, but only babies roll in the Bugaboo. So, I had set my mind to purchase one of those “cheapie” Maclaren’s that I’ve seen all the celebrity and style savvy moms use. Without doing my research first, I assumed this less complicated design would cost around $50-$100 max. As it turned out, I only wanted the best for my son and opted for the $200 Maclaren Quest Sport in gray with lime green trim equipped with a cushioned seat that reclined into 4 different positions for comfort, a tilting hood with UV protective window (to keep out those evil sun rays), and an adjustable leg rest, just to name a few features. Yep, only the best…I could have easily walked one aisle over to pick up a less fancy version for $30, or settled for the free, fabric one the store had presented me with a year ago. I carried Nathan (still asleep) to the cash register and paid for it while waiting for the store attendant to uncover my new purchase from the box. He kindly showed me the open and collapse maneuvers, as I impatiently thought of how heavy Nathan really was (28 pounds), and how I just needed to put him in the stroller. I signed my credit card receipt, thanked the guy, and walked through the automatic sliding doors, only to hear “Gumball” from Mr. Nathan as we passed by the five foot machine encasing a multitude of the little round colorful treats. Off he jumped and the stroller soon became a shopping cart.I tend to justify my pricey purchases for my children with the argument that it’s “practical”. The Lexus was a practical purchase because it’s comfortable for the kids with a smoother ride, reliable, ranked high on the safety tests, and it’s within our means. The Bugaboo was a practical purchase because I figured with the high price tag came durability, better maneuverability, and comfortability. While all these reasons hold true, and the purchases were “practical”, were they necessary? Could I have not just opted for the Toyata Camry with less interior luxury features to save a few thousand dollars? Or a Peg Perego alternative that functions similarly to the Bugaboo (without the hydrolic shock system) for half the price? Certainly. Then, what would be even more practical is if I were to take that money I would have saved and put it in a CD account for the kids to earn some interest so that when they are of age, they can use it for college, or to buy a car, or to pay for their wedding, or for a rainy day. Or, I could have used a portion of the money to donate to charity. I mean, would the kids really know the difference if they were not presented with the better first? And, what type of mother am I to expose them to such superficiality? **Sigh**Where do we draw the line? I mean, they’re only kids now, and I just want to give them the world, spoil them with every treasure I can. But, what am I teaching them while doing so? I’m creating a norm surrounded by things–superficial things. There are those in poverty, hunger, and lack of shelter, yet, I worry whether the things will make my children happy. And, they in turn think that things will make them happy. Parents lead by example, right? So, how do I show my children how to be humble, and grateful, and not to define themselves by the things they have or own, when, I, myself, live such an elaborate life? I certainly cannot pick up our life and move to a country such as East Africa, such as this family has done with their children to do missionary work, so how do I teach them day to day? How do I expose them to a world greater then the one they live in now? One that is not so…perfect?
October 30th, 2007 at 2:36 pm
Those are very interesting questions, and I think you will do just fine finding your answers. This reminds me very much of what our priest in CA, surrounded as we were by wealth and wonderful distractions, was fond of telling us. To paraphrase: it’s so much harder to live virtuous AND affluent lives. *Sigh*
November 3rd, 2007 at 9:30 am
You know, we have seen many family members who are parents who well, need to ask themselves these questions. I told Jeff that we must remember how our parents raised us…it wasn’t about things, it was about respecting your elders, respecting people, be gracious for what you have and to give when you can. Spreading the love.
You and Loi are great parents and you’ll find your answers just fine. At least you’re asking them.
November 4th, 2007 at 9:11 pm
Thanks Nikki and Auntie Ngocy for your words of encouragement. Many times, as parents, or as friends, siblings, children even, tend to associate gift giving as symbols of love and appreciation. But, nothing beats a simple “thank you” or “I love you” from time to time. And, with things, we quickly grow bored of it and yet spend so much time and energy to obtain. It’s hard to find a balance. Sometimes, I feel like a bad parent if I do give in and get Nathan that choo-choo train or ball that he wants (although he has a million of those at home). But, I also feel like a bad parent if I don’t because I can, but I don’t. My priest gave a sermon about something very similar to what Nikki’s priest had preached, and he mentioned Mother Theresa and how she said although we are not a country poor of materialistic things, we are a country lacking in family and community interaction and cohesiveness; it is this that makes us such a sad country.